Turks and Toothbrushes
by Chaos Silk
Summary: Just a collection of random, humorous drabbles revolving around the Turks and Shinra in general. Shounen ai of the TsengReno kind. Completed
1. Toothbrushes

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: I got bored during class…and then I started writing little random drabble fics to challenge myself and better my writing skills…Needless to say my math teacher is not pleased with me, not at all...

Warnings: randomness, shonen-ai in later chapters because I'm a yaoi fangirl.

Challenge: Tseng, Reno, Toothbrush.

"Hey Tseng… Have you seen my toothbrush?" Reno asks, scratching his head as he walks up to his boss. Tseng blinks and stares at Reno, vaguely recalling seeing the redhead with a red toothbrush earlier this morning. The green-eyed Turk idly flips his lighter open and only years of Reno-developed reflexes allow Tseng to confiscate the lighter before yet another potted plant goes up in flames.

"Reno… Why did you bring your toothbrush to work?" Tseng says, rubbing his forehead as he shoves the lighter in his pocket with a mental reminder to hide it when he gets back to his office.

"It wanted a change of scenery…" Reno says not even batting an eye at the expression on Tseng's face as he said that. Tseng bites back a groan at the response, it was definitely one of those days.

"You do realize your toothbrush is an inanimate object…" Tseng asks, wondering how in the name of Bahamut he always found himself in these conversations. Reno nods a huge grin on his face. "And you do realize that as an inanimate object Toothbrushes have no brains and therefore do not want or need anything, right?"

"Of course…Who do you think I am? Zack?" Reno demands, pointing over to where the black haired SOLDIER is holding a conversation with another potted plant. Tseng sweatdrops and wonders yet again why Sephiroth kept the man around.

"Then why did you bring your toothbrush to work?" Tseng asks, exasperation dripping into his tone. There was a ton of paperwork waiting on his desk and it would take at least five hours to decipher Heidigger's handwriting. Reno grins evilly.

"To make you twitch…" Reno says waving cheerily at his superior before turning sharply on his heels and stalking off. Tseng watches him leave an odd expression on his face as he eyes the red toothbrush hanging out of the Turk's back pocket.

He wasn't quite sure whether he should want to throttle the man or laugh at him, so he decided to take the easy way out and go back to work.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "That was decidedly odd…but amusing. I shall definitely have to write more of these. They amuse me during class. "

Zach: "Your teachers are plotting to kill you…"

BloodyChaos: "What else is new?. Thanks for reading and please review and tell me what you think.."


	2. Birthdays

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses

A/N: Well another day, another drabble to post…

Warnings: randomness…Tseng/Reno if you squint.

Challenge: Tseng, Reno, Birthday.

"Good Morning Boss." Reno shouts, striding confidently into the Wutaiian's office. Tseng sighs tiredly as he looks up from his paperwork to regard the redhead with weary gold eyes.

"What do you want Reno?" He asks, wishing he could just go back home and go to sleep. Reno studies him for a second, green eyes calculating.

"Who says I want anything? I could've stopped by just to talk…" Reno says, turning so his back faces Tseng and leaning against the desk. Tseng stares at him and shakes his head.

"And when exactly do you ever want to just talk?" Tseng demands, his voice more than slightly amused as he recalled other conversations, nearly all of which involved him chasing the redhead out of his office afterwards. "You and I both know you're here for something, so why don't you just tell me what so I can get on with my life…"

"Guess." Reno says, turning his head to smile over his shoulder at him. Tseng glares at him, gold eyes narrowing with annoyance.

"Reno I really do not have time for this." Tseng says, one hand gesturing to the stack of papers he has awaiting his attention.

"Guess and I'll leave you alone for the rest of the day." Reno says sharply, the tone of his voice indicating that this is no joke. Tseng looks at him for a moment and sighs. "Though I find it really hard to believe you'd forget."

Tseng frowns, wracking his brain for anything Reno might've mentioned regarding today's date and draws up blank. "You finally set Hojo's desk on fire, you lost your key, Rude tap-danced naked across the sixtieth floor, Rufus fell out a window, Reeve kidnapped Zack." Tseng says anything that comes to mind. Reno laughs, walking around the desk.

"Maaaaybbe, no, no though that would be good blackmail material, No, No and Happy Birthday." Tseng blinks as Reno spins his chair around to face him, pressing a small object into his hand as lips brush his cheek. He can feel Reno's smile as the man grins and exits the room, whistling cheerily. Tseng is left staring blankly at the space Reno had occupied, one hand on his cheek.

That little punk.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "That just makes me want to go awwww that's so cute. Tseng/Reno is adorable is it not, even if it's just implied"

Zach: "…"  
BloodyChaos: "Look it even has Zach speechless, please review and tell me what you think."


	3. Marker?

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Yay for Rude!

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Rude, Tseng, Marker.

Rude walked into Tseng's office radiating anger and tension ashe waits silently for Tseng to acknowledge him. Tseng looks up from playing with his pen and blinks.

"Uh Rude… What happened to your face?" Tseng asks, still blinking as he studies the somewhat childish scribbles on the bald Turk's face and head. It looked like it had been drawn with permanent marker, which meant Rude would be wearing this for quite some time.

"Reno." Rude growls out, stormy gray eyes glinting from behind his sunglasses. Tseng winces, Rude was extremely angry. He had told the redheaded Turk to hold back a little on the pranks, looks like he didn't listen too well.

"And how exactly did he do that?" Tseng wonders outloud, it wasn't like Rude would just let Reno start drawing on him. In fact Tseng couldn't picture Rude allowing anyone to draw on him.

"I was sleeping." Rude says in a tone that doesn't leave room for questioning. Tseng blinks in surprise.

"You were sleeping?" Tseng repeats, his brain trying to process that information. Somehow Rude and sleeping just didn't fit together in his mind. Rude nods, almost to the point of growling. "I'll leave you to decide his punishment then, just don't injure him to severely or cripple him."

Rude snorts and turns to walk out, he pauses at the door to glance at Tseng and nods once, acknowledging his orders and walks out. Tseng watches him go. He was quite sure he knew what Rude had in mind and he was dreading explainingall this toPresident Shinra or muchworse, Rufus.

Sometimes grown men could act so childish.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "Rude, I love writing Rude. He's so fun ."

Zach: "He's also about to severely injure/maim your favorite character."

BloodyChaos: "Nothing's set in stone. Please review ."


	4. Hangers

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses

A/N: I like this chapter, it came out surprisingly different than I thought it would. Double update, don't expect this too often..

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Rude, Hanger.

"Reno, could you please explain to me why there is a hanger hanging from my ceiling fan?" Rude asks in that super sweet tone of voice that means you're in major trouble, stepping neatly into the redhead's office. Reno looks up from where he was (gasp) actually filling out a mission report and blinks. Hanger? Ceiling Fan? What the hell?

"Uh…someone who was definitely not me because I was here the whole time thought your office was a closet." Reno says, grinning sheepishly as he notices the older Turks newest decorations on his face. Now if only Rude hadn't noticed yet.

"Strike one Reno…" Rude says, leaning over the desk to look Reno in the eye. Reno swallows nervously, yes he had most definitely noticed. "How in the hell did you sneak in my office without me noticing?"

"Uh…" Reno says intelligently, eyes darting about the room. He knew there was no way in hell he could take Rude on in this little space. If he had room to dodge and maneuver maybe, but not here.

"Tseng's given me permission to punish you." Rude says, tilting his sunglasses down so Reno could look him in the eye. Reno gulps seeing the anger stirring in the gray depths, maybe he should've listened to Tseng.

"Over a hanger? Doesn't that seem a little much?" Reno says, still looking for a way out of this situation or maybe just his office. Rude shakes his head, regarding the redhead with cool eyes.

"You and I both know this isn't about a hanger so stop playing blonde." Rude says, his eyes glinting dangerously as he studies the panicked redhead. Not that Reno was actually panicking, he knew Rude wouldn't hurt him to severely. He just didn't want to be hurt period.

"If you're going to do it, just get it over with already." Reno sighs, closing his eyes and bracing himself for the pain. He hears Rude crack his knuckles and stiffens, preparing for a punch that never came.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels something damp and slightly fuzzy start tracing his cheeks. Rude chuckles softly and continues to write on Reno's face.

You know what they say, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "Bet you all thought Rude was going to punch his lights out for a second, didn't you? But I like this better, now they both have childlike doodles all over their faces."

Zach: "…You scare me sometimes."

BloodyChaos: "Gee thanks, anyways please review and tell me what you think kks."


	5. Earring?

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: And Sephiroth is introduced.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read. Maybe Reno/Seph if you really think about it. And I mean really think about it.

Challenge: Reno, Sephiroth, Earring.

"Hello Reno, what brings you to my corner of Shinra?" Sephiroth asks coolly, regarding the redheaded Turk with catlike green eyes. Reno shivers, wondering what in Shiva's name had possessed him to search Sephiroth's office first.

"Scarlet's lost an earring." Reno says, attempting to look unconcerned by the man's chilling gaze which was focused completely on him. He was failing miserably.

"And what exactly does that have to do with the Turks?" Sephiroth asks, his eyes unfaltering as the studied Reno. The redhead bites back the impulse to swallow.

"Tseng volunteered me to find it" Reno says, glancing about the room nervously to see if he could somehow manage to spot it. Sephiroth cocks his head to one side.

"And why exactly would you think it would be in my office?" Sephiroth demands, his voice as calm and as even as it was at the beginning of this conversation. Reno shrugs.

"Just a hunch I guess…" Reno says, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. But of course only Zack could get away with bothering Sephiroth, just like only he could get away with bothering Tseng. Sephiroth glares at him.

"How lucky you are that your hunch was indeed correct." Sephiroth states, getting up from his desk and removing a small object from within his shelves. Walking over to the Turk, he reaches forward and presses the object into his hand. "Now kindly leave my office as you are distracting me from my work."

Reno mutters a thanks under his breath as he walks out, ignoring Sephiroth as he watches him leave. He can't help but wonder how royally screwed up Sephiroth is in the head to be able to act like that when he's in his underwear.

Maybe it was just some disturbing psychopath thing.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "I have no clue where the second-to-last paragraph came from. Honestly I don't. But I just have a mental image of Sephiroth sitting there in his boxers doing his paperwork."

Zach: "I can't help but wonder how screwed up you are in the head to be able to write this."

BloodyChaos: "Shut it Zach. Anyways kindly review and tell me what you think."


	6. spoon

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Rufus is so amusing to write, but not as amusing as Reno when he's confused.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Rufus, Reno and a spoon.

"Where is it?" Rufus demands, tossing important documents over his shoulder without even looking. Said papers smack Reno, who just walked in on the nose, leaving the Turk blinking stupidly at the Vice President.

"Uh…" Reno says intelligently, scratching his head as he looks around the room which looked like Typhoon had trampled through it. "What the hell?" Rufus looks up from tearing apart his couch.

"Reno! Thank god you're here!" Rufus shouts out, glomping the Turk who stares at him like he's lost his mind. He knew he shouldn't have volunteered for baby-sitting, I mean body guard duty today. "Have you seen my spoon?"

"Your…spoon?" Reno asks, blinking stupidly at the blonde who just smiles serenely up at him. The redhead found himself wondering if maybe it was bad thing that Rufus actually liked him.

"Yes my spoon…Have you seen it?" Rufus asks, bouncing impatiently. Reno sighs, he had a sinking feeling that Tseng was going to blame him for all this.

"What does it look like?" Reno asks, glancing around the room to see if he could spot anything vaguely spoon-like. "And what do you need a spoon for anyways."

"You don't know?" Rufus says, blinking incredulously at the green-eyed Turk. Reno shakes his head, if he had known what it was for he wouldn't have asked. "Spoons for Hojo are like Crosses for Vampires. And I'm going to see him in thirty minutes so I really need a spoon." Reno sweatdrops.

"Does it have to be a certain spoon?" Reno asks, looking at the blonde who shakes his head. "Alright then you sit tight here and I'll go get some spoons from the mess hall." Reno turns to walk out the door. His hand on the handle he pauses and looks over his shoulder. "And get someone to clean up this office before I get in trouble." And with that he walked out, shaking his head.

Sometimes he wondered what age Rufus really was.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and reviewed. I really appreciate it .

BloodyChaos: "A Spoon? A spoon guards against Hojo…someone should give Sephy a spoon. Ohhhh I should write that next."

Zach: "…sweatdrop"

BloodyChaos: "Poor, Poor Sephy. All alone with Hojo and no Spoon."


	7. Giving

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Kee Hee Hee I just had to do it, I couldn't resist. And...I forgot to update yesterday...oh well

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Rufus, Sephy and giving.

Sephiroth stares at the newest invader to come into his office. Rufus stares back at him, shifting nervously as Sephiroth wonders what would make a boy practically raised by the Turks nervous, oh right. Him.

"Is there something in particular that brings you to my office?" Sephiroth asks curiously, wondering why the boy would voluntarily come into his office if he unnerved him so. Rufus looks down at his feet and holds out a small object.

"This is for you…" Rufus says, acting like a three-year-old with a flower. Sephiroth stared at the object in his hand. Reaching out he took it cautiously. No one had ever given him anything before.

"A spoon?" he asks softly, inspecting the small silver object with a pink bow around it's neck. Rufus flushes and starts babbling.

"It was Reno's idea, he thought that since Hojo was deathly afraid of spoons and you had to deal with Hojo all the time, you might want a spoon." Rufus babbles on. Sephiroth nods, of course it would've been Reno's idea. He rather liked the redheaded Turk, he wonders why Reno didn't bring it himself though. "He was going to give it to you himself but then Tseng came in and he got in trouble because my office is a mess."

"Thank you, and tell Reno when you see him I thank him as well…" Sephiroth says, tucking the spoon into his pocket. Even if it hadn't have been a semi-functional gift he would've kept it, after all it was given to him by people he liked and somewhat cared about.

"Okay!" Rufus says with a blinding smile in Sephiroth's direction. The silver-haired general waves it off and turns his attention back to Zack's report, which looked like it had been written by a drunken chocobo.

Now of only Zack would give him a decent report once in a while he'd be happy.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading ad reviewing. I appreciate it .

BloodyChaos: "Awwwww…" **glomps Rufus** "he's so cute."  
Zach: "A spoon…"

BloodyChaos: "I think I broke Zach again oh well, reviews are more than welcome "


	8. Chocobo

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: and yet another drabble on the inside life of Shinra Inc. This is partly explanation, partly drabble.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Tseng, Sephiroth, Reno, Chocobo

"Good Morning Sephiroth." Tseng says, stepping into the boardroom and nodding to the silver haired General. Sephiroth was, thankfully, fully clothed today. Reno's encounter having been just after his after-training shower during which Zack had made off with his clothes.

"Good Morning Tseng." Sephiroth says, nodding in turn as he stares blankly at the paper clutched tightly in his hand. "If your other Turk wants to punish Zack for his stupidity tell him I gave the ok to go on ahead."  
Tseng blinks, dear Shiva what has happened now. "Which other Turk? What happened?" He asks, looking fairly worried. Hopefully it wasn't another clothes theft.

"The bald one, I never bothered to learn his name. Zack apparently thought his office was a closet and put a bunch of hangers on his ceiling fan." Sephiroth says, unaware and unconcerned about the chaos that had caused. Tseng had thanked every deity he knew when he found out Rude had accidentally used washable marker on Reno's face.

"Ahhh, funny story about that…You see he thought it was Reno because Reno drew on his face earlier so in revenge he drew on him. So it all worked out in the end." Tseng says, shrugging casually. There really was no need for the real culprit to get caught.

Sephiroth blinks, his mind replaying back to couple days ago when Reno had come into his office and had faint discolored areas scribbled all over his face. A rather loud sound comes from outside the hallway; Tseng's eyes narrow.

"That sounds like a chocobo." He says, turning his head to look at the door as it slides open and a rampaging chocobo rushes in followed by a flustered Reno. Tseng and Sephiroth stare in amused horror as Reno chases the stupid bird around the room.

"Would you stand still you stupid chocobo!" Reno yells at the stupid bird, which insists on running from him. Tseng decides to ask the question they both are wondering.

"Reno…" Tseng says in that deadly calm voice that tells you that he's about to use his limit break on your unlucky ass. Reno, hearing that tone halts all movement and turns to look at his boss. "Why is there a chocobo in the board room."  
"Uh…The President wants it to be our official mascot." Reno says, scratching his head sheepishly as he glares at the chocobo. The chocobo warks and tries to eat Sephiroth's hair, Tseng raises an eyebrow at his Turk. "Don't look at me, it wasn't my idea. I'm just the unfortunate soul that was dragged into it."  
"I don't care where it came from or what purpose it has to serve. It had better stop trying to eat my hair or I'm going to flambé it and feed it to Zack." Sephiroth growls, yanking the length of his hair away from the stupid bird. Reno looks at it and shrugs.

"Not my Chocobo." He says, sitting down in his usual seat as Sephiroth grins and unsheathes Masamune. Needless to say there was not a board meeting that day.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "And that dear children is why you do not eat Sephy's hair, not only is it bad for you, but he'll kill you and feed you to Zack. So let's not try it."

Zach: "What happens if they try to eat your hair…"

BloodyChaos: "Let's just say it won't be pretty, you'll survive but it won't be pretty….Anyways dear readers please review…or go on to the next chapter and review there either ways fine with me."


	9. sock

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Better thank MuseofDestructiveness for this one, it would've been a while before you actually got to read this one for a while if she hadn't convinced me to post this one after the chocobo one…Oh and a double update because I missed Wednesday.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Zack, Sock.

Reno is very, very bored, but not bored enough to start playing with his office supplies without checking behind his potted plant first. He had got into enough trouble for that little incident, thank you very much.

The door to his office opens and Reno looks up; hoping it was someone who could alleviate his boredom. He sighs when he sees Zack standing in the doorway, lampshade on his head. Zack's visits, though highly amusing, always ended up with him missing an article of clothing.

"You cannot see me…" Zack whispers as he slinks into the room. Reno rolls his eyes; he could about kill whoever told Zack that wearing a lampshade on his head made him invisible. Oh wait, he already did…Idiot. "I am not here…" Zack says again.

"What do you want?" Reno demands, rubbing his forehead as Zack slowly moves towards him. Zack pauses, lampshade turning towards Reno.

"You cannot see me…" Zack repeats again, edging closer still. "And I shall steal your sock." Reno stares at the lampshade clad man in amused horror. What in the hell did he want with his sock? "Then I shall write your name on it's toe…and then…"  
"What in the hell do you want my sock for? Never mind I don't even want to know…" Reno says, reaching down and taking off his shoe, he tugged off his left sock and wrote his name on its toe. He tosses it at Zack and hits him in the gut. "There now leave."

"Finally!" Zack shouts, tossing the lampshade into a corner, sitting down and pulling out a sock from every member of Shinra and throwing them in the floor. "Now for the Mating of the socks…"

"Please get out of my office." Reno groans, beating his head against the desk. Zack ignores him, happily sorting through the socks, all of which have their owner's names on the two,

"Oh look, Tseng, Reno and Sephy's socks all match. I guess they'll just have a sock threesome." Zack says shrugging, ignoring the thump as Reno falls out of his chair and passes out.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "Sock…Threesome…"  
Zach: "What the hell are you on?"

BloodyChaos: "Caffeine…Please review and don't fall out of your chair laughing…"


	10. War

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Another day, another drabble .

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Tseng, Sephiroth, Zack, War.

"I shall lead the spoon war to victory!" Zack shouts out in the middle of the mess hall, waving his spoon around and nearly hitting Reno in the face. Reno glares at him and takes a sip of his tea.

"Really? I thought my toothbrush was in charge of the spoons…" Reno says thoughtfully, dodging another attempt by Zack to hit him in the face. Tseng and Sephiroth blink and look at him.

"Reno, would you kindly explain to us what in the hell is going on?" Sephiroth asks, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin before taking another bite of spaghetti. Tseng shrugs, not really caring either way so long as it didn't result in someone getting hurt.

"Apparently the spoons, my toothbrush and Zack have declared war on Hojo and the socks…" Reno says, shrugging. He knew he should've checked behind the potted plant. Tseng raises an eyebrow, recognizing most of it from the random stuff Reno acts out on his desk to entertain himself.

"Let me guess, Rufus gave you a spoon too. And then Zack gave you your mated socks…" Sephiroth says, puzzling it out. He too was quite aware of Reno's little entertainment. "Since he hasn't returned mine I'm guessing you have it." Reno grins.

"Actually I have a sock threesome." Reno says, Tseng and Sephiroth stare at him for a moment and raise their eyebrows, deciding not to ask. Sephiroth continues on.

"And Zack is an idiot." Sephiroth adds, swirling his fork around his plate and shoving it into his mouth. Tseng blinks and looks around.

"Where did he go?" Tseng asks, looking around for the spiky haired SOLDIER who had quite mysteriously disappeared. Reno shrugs and Sephiroth continues eating. Zack may be an idiot but he's more than capable of taking care of himself.

Hojo runs screaming past, making them all jump and turn to watch as Zack rides in on President Shinra's second chocobo, waving a spoon around and shouting something completely and totally idiotic.

Of course he's also capable of getting himself into more trouble than he can handle.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "Zack is one of my favorite characters…someday I'm going to have to write a fic where he's actually intelligent to make up for all the fics I have making fun of him…"  
Zach: "You keep saying that."  
BloodyChaos: "See ya later and remember: review please ."


	11. Jenova, door, amoeba, banana

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Been a while, between shear laziness and research papers I've had no time… on a lighter note I have Dragon's Blood Incense (waves it around).

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read. Jenova's…creepy.

Challenge: Jenova, door, amoeba (as requested by **happy noodle boy**) w/ Reno, Hojo and a banana (don't ask).

Jenova was not a happy Calamity from the skies. She had been taken from her nice warm imprisonment with lost of monster companions and shoved in a tiny fluid filled container with only an amoeba for company. Needless to say she was not happy in the slightest.

Nor was she totally sane… So she amused herself by slamming her body against the door and trying to squash her one-celled companion. Which also disturbed passerbys in the process.

**THUMP!**

"Sounds like Jenova's feeling playful today." Said the voice of the man Jenova vaguely recognized as her main researcher who was obsessed with Squid and Her…She wasn't flattered in the slightest and intended to influence Sephiroth's mind towards stabbing the man through his stomach at the earliest opportunity.

"Is it trying to eat me or something?" Another voice asked warily, Jenova mentally cackled with glee. This voice she liked, it belonged to a young, flame-obsessed Turkey or Turk (she really wasn't quite sure) who loved to torture Squid-Lover, and as a plus Sephiroth liked him.

**THUMP!**

Jenova slammed her body against the door a second time just to hear Flame-Turkey-Turk squeal and Squid-Lover laugh, unfortunately finally killing the amoeba in the process. Damn, she had hoped it would be the other way around. Flame-Turkey-Turk should know she'd never intentionally hurt him.

Jenova blinks as she realizes she's finally killed that stupid amoeba and no longer has anything to torture. She sends a slightly irritated thought towards Squid-Lover, demanding that he bring her something to entertain herself with…Unless of course he wanted Sephiroth to go on a killing spree, starting with him.

"Hey! That's my banana!" Flame-Turkey-Turk yells indignantly, Jenova wonders what a banana is…A small section at the top of her tank slides open. "What in the hell are you doing to my banana you freak?"

Jenova stares as a pale appendage drops as strangely shaped yellow object into her cage. It certainly was larger than an amoeba, but was it alive.

Wonder how long it'll take to mutate?

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review This story now has over a thousand hits.

BloodyChaos: "Well….MuseofDestructiveness found this highly amusing."

Zach: "She's just as insane as you are."

BloodyChaos: "So? Anyways thanks for reading and remember to review ."


	12. pants

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: My mother made me do yard-work…Not happy… But I also have several new things to do.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Rufus, Pants.

"Reno!" Rufus calls from the door, his coat wrapped tightly around him. Reno snorts, opening one eye to glare at the intruder.

"What do you want?" He growls, both eyes opening to glare at Rufus who looks more than slightly distressed as he shuffles into the room. Reno raises an eyebrow at the Vice President. "You haven't lost your spoon again have you?" He asks suspiciously as he eyes the self-conscious boy.

"Have you seen my pants?" Rufus asks, a pink flush covering his face as he tries to avoid looking at the Turk. . Reno blinks, his brain not quite processing the information.

"Have I seen your…What?" Reno yelps, his brain finally comprehending Rufus's implications. The Blonde winces as the Turk falls out of his chair in shock.

"This isn't funny!" Rufus whines as the redheaded Turk blinks and then bursts out laughing. Pouting, he throws the nearest thing, which just happens to be Reno's toothbrush and throws it at him. "I'M NOT WEARING PANTS DAMN IT!" And with that Reno started laughing harder.

"How in the hell did you manage to lose your pants?" Reno snickers, sitting up and rubbing his head where his unfortunate toothbrush hit him. Rufus mutters something under his breath and Reno leans forward in an attempt to hear. "I can't hear you …" Reno says gleefully, sitting on the floor of his office with his legs crossed.

"I SAID THAT IT WAS ZACK'S FAULT!" Rufus yells, eye twitching as he imagines the office gossip tomorrow. Elena was going to have a field day with this. He glares as Reno collapses into laughter yet again.

He really should've known better than to trust Reno.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing…

BloodyChaos: "For some odd reason Zack keeps stealing people's clothes."

Zach: "Yes he does…"

BloodyChaos: "Which reminds me that I'm working on writing an intelligent Zack-fic (dedicated to MakoAnima) but you'll have to wait a while so I have a little distraction concerning both my muses and Zack… Anyways if you liked it, please review."


	13. Barbershop

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: I've been really busy this week, what with the actual turning in of my research paper, the writing of several things and a major update as of today….

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Cloud, Barbershop from **bdsproductions**.

"Reno, since when do you cut your hair?" Cloud asks curiously as he awaits the stylist or whatever they're called. The redhead snorts, spinning around in his chair.

"I don't. I've appropriated this chair for Turk use while Rude gets his head waxed." Reno says pointing to where several stylists where buffing Rude's head. He turns his head to look at the blonde. "What brings you here?"

"Zack wants them to 'try' and un-spike my hair, Like his head does not look like a hedgehog." Cloud complains, pointing to where Zack appeared to be harassing the lamp. The blonde sweatdrops and Reno shakes his head.

"Well no one said Zack was the sharpest crayon in the box." Reno says, playing idly with a strand of his hair. Cloud lets out an extremely unmanly shriek as twelve gallons of ice cold water is dumped over his head.

Reno laughs evilly as the blonde sputters angrily, blue eyes flashing beneath strands of newly un-spiked hair. The unfortunate woman takes a step back and then runs screaming for cover as Cloud gets out of his chair and chases her around the room.

Zack has moved onto molesting the couch. Cloud is screaming profanities at the woman in several different languages. Rude is wondering what in the hell is going on and Reno is laughing his ass off at them all. The owner in the other hand is seriously considering banning all employees of Shinra.

At Least they got Cloud's hair unspiked.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review. We're pretty close to three thousand hits now .

BloodyChaos: "Well that was highly amusing…I still have no clue what a person who cuts hair is called though…I haven't got my hair cut in ohhh…say six years."

Zach: "…I refuse to comment."

BloodyChaos: "Anyways if you liked it, review. ."


	14. silence

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: I wrote this with to work on my skills without using dialogue, And I decided to update twice today because this is so short…

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Rude, Silence.

Tseng raises an eyebrow as he steps into the exclusive Turk's meeting room. Both Reno and Rude were there, but Reno wasn't chattering and Rude wasn't twitching. How very odd.

Confused, the Wutaiian Turk took a seat. Rude nods in greeting as he usually does, but Reno instead of his usual cry of 'Hey Boss!' and sometimes a backbreaking hug just waves cheerfully at him.

That in itself signals that something was wrong. Tseng's worried gold eyes dart from Reno to Rude. He opens his mouth to ask if Reno had gotten himself _silenced_ or something equally stupid but is interrupted by a pointed look from Reno and a finger lain across the redhead's lips.

Directing a confused look in Rude's direction he shuts his mouth. Was the room bugged? He really wouldn't put it past some of Shinra. Or was it something else? Tseng's brow furrows as he considers possible reasons for his Turk's silence.

In the quiet of the room a piece of paper rustles, Tseng looks up to see Rude slide a post-it note towards him. Raising an eye at the color (neon pink), his lips quirk as he reads the short note.

The quiet game…What an ingenious way to keep Reno quiet.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "That was short…"

Zach: "I swear, you get lazier and crazier with each passing year."

BloodyChaos: "Thank you Zach… If you liked it review."


	15. Drunk

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: May I just say that I really love writing this fic? I do, honestly this is one of the most fun things I've ever written (and this includes CII, which had me cackling during class.). And this drabble, this was just fun to write…Thank you **bdsproductions** for prompting this, and no I am not a mind reader .

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read. Seph/Reno and it's adorable.

Challenge: Reno, Sephiroth, Drunk, from **bdsproductions**.

"Oh my Goddess. The Ceiling is spinning." Reno says, watching Sephiroth's ceiling fan go around and around. He was lying in the middle of the floor of said General's office. He wasn't quite sure how he got there, but it had something to do with the amount of alcohol he drunk earlier.

"That's the ceiling fan…" Sephiroth says somewhat tolerantly, for him anyways. Reno raises his head to grin at him, his eyes going cross-eyed with the effort. Sephiroth raises an eyebrow. "Exactly how much alcohol did you drink?"

"Enough to put that drunk Turk lying in the middle of your floor to shame." Reno says, laying his head back down with a thunk. Sephiroth winces, praying that he didn't injure himself.

"Reno you are that drunk Turk lying in the middle of my floor." Sephiroth points out slowly as if Reno was to intoxicated to think straight. Which was probably true.

"I know and I'm shamed…" Reno says, slurring the last part slightly. He sits up slowly, turning his head to look at Sephiroth who was somewhat glad Reno was on the other side of his desk and wasn't coordinated enough to walk around it. The redhead cocks his head to the side, his eyes glazing over slightly. "You know, you're really pretty."

"Uh…Thank you?" Sephiroth tries, not quite sure what to say to that. There wasn't exactly a book on how to handle a drunken Reno or any drunken Turk for that matter. Sephiroth knew for a fact that Rude somehow got stuck in Rufus's laundry chute every time he got drunk.

"Reeeallly, really pretty." Reno repeats, falling over again. Leaving Sephiroth more than slightly disturbed, though even he had to admit Reno was cute when he was drunk. Reno blinks, eyes focusing once again on the ceiling. "Oh, look the ceiling's spinning again." And with that said he passed out, drooling onto Sephiroth's carpet.

Sephiroth got up from his desk with a rare soft smile on his face and turned the fan off. He draped his trench-coat over the unconscious Reno before calling Tseng to come and pick up his unconscious Turk. It was a routine, Sephiroth kept Reno distracted so he wouldn't wreak havoc on the unprotected Shinra employees and his paperwork goes missing afterwards.

Plus there was the fact that Reno was hilariously funny when drunk. And he was absolutely adorable when he thought the furniture was trying to eat him.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review

BloodyChaos: "Don't you just want to glomp Reno?"

Zach: "Nooo…"

BloodyChaos: "I wasn't talking to you…Anyways when I'm drunk or close enough to it I get really hyper, chatter at people and my strange obsession with ceiling fans gets worse. So I based Reno off my drunk self for the people who are wondering."

Zach: "…should you really be drinking?"

BloodyChaos: "Probably not, Anyways if you liked this chapter please review…"


	16. Kitten

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: I absolutely adore cats…so I just had to write this because… I love cats and it's three days from my birthday .

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Tseng, Rufus, Kitten

When Tseng saw Rufus kneeling in the hallways near Hojo's lab he knew something was up. First Rufus was dressed in white, he never let any part of his clothing touch the floor. Second, Rufus didn't kneel, especially in places where you didn't know what

"Sir what are you doing?" He asks, using the same tone as when Reno was either doing something incredibly dangerous, stupid, or both. Rufus jumps, hiding whatever he was holding.

Tseng raises an eyebrow, stepping closer to get a better look at what appears to be a squirming mass of blue-black fur. Rufus pulls the creature closer to his body, a defiant look on his face.

"It's a kitten." The blonde states as the creature mews and butts it's head against his face. Tseng studies it warily, eyes lingering on the tentacles coming out of it's head. He glances suspiciously at Hojo's open door. It obviously must've escaped.

"Rufus sir, I don't think that's a kitten." Tseng says, sweatdropping as the thing starts to purr as Rufus strokes it. He prayed that it wasn't one of Hojo's more…dangerous experiments. Rufus lifts his head to stare at him rebelliously.

"It's a kitten…" He pauses watching Tseng's carefully. "I'm keeping it." He says with a tone of finality in his voice. Tseng sighs, knowing nothing he says can change the boy's mind.

"I can't guarantee it's safety if it bites Reno…or Sephiroth." He adds as an afterthought, scratching his chin thoughtfully. Rufus grins, carefully cradling the creature in his arms as he stands up.

"I'll teach him not to bite people." Rufus says, walking in the general direction of the stairs. Tseng trailing behind him just in case the 'kitten' attacks. "Let's show Dark Nation his new home…"

"Dark Nation?" Tseng repeats, shaking his head. Only Rufus would name his cat after a legend.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "Not as great as the rest…but still ok, cause it has a kitty."

Zach: "Dark Nation is not a kitty."

BloodyChaos: "Sure he is, anyways drop me a review if you liked it."


	17. Moogle

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: Double update! YAY FOR ME!

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Tseng, Sephiroth, Moogle.

"Is it just me or is that moogle staring at me?" Reno asks, eyeing the stuffed toy warily. Tseng and Sephiroth roll their eyes, both wondering why Reeve had brought it to the board meeting.

"Are you drunk again?" Sephiroth asks, studying Reno carefully for any signs of pyromaniacal or homicidal tendencies. Reno looks indignant, sticking his nose in the air he turns his face away from the snickering pair.

"You find yourself drunk in someone's office once and you hear about it for the rest of your life…" Reno sighs, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling. Tseng raises an eyebrow.

"Once? I counted at least ten." Tseng says thoughtfully, rubbing his chin with his hand and glancing conspiratorially at Sephiroth. The silver haired general smirks playing along. "Or was it twenty?"

"I'm quite sure it's pushing thirty…" Sephiroth remarks, crossing his arms and watching Reno twitch. Tseng nods, remembering several incidents where he had to remove Reno from the ceiling fan before he hurt himself or Sephiroth hurt him.

"So I get drunk often, who cares. It's not like you guys don't ever get drunk and do stupid things, I still remember that one Christmas party…" Reno says, looking pointedly at Sephiroth who had the decency to flush. That was one thing he never wanted to repeat again in his entire life. Tseng looks somewhat appalled.

"There's no proof that I have ever been involved in anything stupid…unlike Sephiroth." Tseng snickers, glancing at Sephiroth and smirking. He had been the one to take the pictures. Reno giggles causing Sephiroth to look at him sharply.

"At least I am not known for doing random stupid things while sober…" Sephiroth retorts, making Reno twitch and glare at him. Tseng's smirk grows even wider and nobody notices that the moogle that spawned this conversation is moving.

"Yeah sure, pick on the drunken redhead… Who's still being stared at by a moogle…" Reno complains, pointing at said moogle who freezes and acts innocent. Sephiroth and Tseng look at it and raise their eyebrows.

"Was it there a minute ago?" Tseng asks, eyeing the thing warily. Reno shakes his head and glares at it. Suddenly the moogle jumps on him and hugs him, squealing happily. Reno screeches ad starts running around the room like an idiot.

"Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!" He screams, flailing about wildly. Tseng is torn between laughter and attempting to help and Sephiroth is trying to figure out a way to kill or maim the thing without hurting Reno.

"Fire3…" Sephiroth whispers, activating his materia. The moogle bursts into flames, singing Reno's suit but otherwise not damaging him. It falls down to the floor and Reno kicks it in the head.

" I knew I shouldn't have stolen Reeve's favorite pen…" He mutters, brushing soot off his suit and glancing thankfully in Sephiroth's direction.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review… We now have 4000 hits.

BloodyChaos: "Alright, now I have to go finish writing up the rest of my challenges…"

Zach: "riight."

BloodyChaos: "Shut up Zach…If you liked it please review ."


	18. Rubber Ducks and Postit notes

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush and my muses.

A/N: **stares at computer screen in shock** oh my…

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Rude, Reno, Tseng, Post-its, Rubber duck. Both from **Shiri Matakami**

"Hey Rude?" Reno asks, poking his head into Rude's office and staring at the bald headed man. Rude looks up from playing solitaire and raises an eyebrow. "Where do you get your post-it notes?" He points at the pocket, which contains the sunglasses wearing Turk's ever present neon-pink post-it notes.

"Why…?" Rude asks, tilting his sunglasses to look Reno straight in the eye. Reno grins at him, green eyes flashing.

"Cause I had an idea…" Reno says, Rude stares at him. The twentieth floor was still recovering from his last idea; god knows what possessed him to start playing with a flame-thrower in a crowded hallway…. Exactly where he had gotten the flame-thrower was still a big mystery.

"I get them from the supply office just down the hall…" Rude says, praying that this wasn't one of Reno's more violent ideas… Reno suddenly brightens and grins cheerily at the bald man.

"Thanks man…" Reno says, running out towards the office leaving a somewhat confused Rude behind him. Rude watches him go, his red pony-tail swaying behind him like a cat tail.

Five minutes later found Rude cowering behind his door with his rubber duckie clutched tightly in one hand. He should've known Reno's idea was something destructive and disturbing. But who would've thought that he would've used them in such…an ingenious way.

He winced as another flying post-it came into contact with a random passerby and from the sounds of it, it was Tseng who had been hit. Thinking it over carefully, he opened his door and waved his boss in, dodging random post-its as shot from a tennis ball machine hooked up at the end of the hall.

"Was I just hit by a neon pink post-it note?" Tseng demands blinking and inspecting the post-it note and raising an eyebrow. "An insulting neon pink post-it note…. This can only be the work of Reno."

"I'm afraid he's declared war on this hallway, sir." Rude says, recalling the random shouting he had heard before he had been assaulted by pink post-it notes. It was rather disturbing to get hit by things insulting you and those things _hurt_ when they smacked into you. Though Rude would've loved to know how Reno had fixed it so the post-it notes hit the person they were meant for.

"And I don't suppose you know where our wayward companion is?" Tseng asks as he hears the machine make the strange noises it makes when it's empty. Rude shrugs.

"Last I heard he was going to the storage room to get post-it notes…" Rude says, standing up and peering around the door and into the battleground that was the hallway. Tseng rolls his eyes, at least they knew where the post-it notes came from this time though where he got the tennis ball machine would forever remain a mystery.

"What's with the rubber duck Rude?" Tseng asks, noticing what was in his subordinate's hand and eyeing it with curiosity. Rude flushes red, pocketing his precious duck and muttering something that sounded close enough to an excuse before rushing out with Tseng's laughter following him out.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review…We have over five thousand hits O.o.

BloodyChaos: **stares at the computer screen**

Zach: "Yes, there are five thousand hits…"

BloodyChaos: "I'm in shock…"

Zach: "Well snap out of it…there are readers awaiting comments."

BloodyChaos: "Right…Hope you enjoyed it and remember to review…" **goes back to staring at the computer screen in shock**


	19. Dragon

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I'm starting another drabble fic, a FFIX one. It's set pre-game like this one and it has crossdressing Zidane…still haven't come up with a name yet, so look out for it.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno. Sephiroth, Hojo and a dragon…from **Braided Baka Girl**

"I think Tseng was quite serious about feeding you to a dragon…" Sephiroth remarks as he watches the redhead cower behind one of Hojo's various experiments. Reno turns around and glares at him.

"If you're not going to help me hide, why are you here?" Reno demands, green eyes flashing as he regards the man feared by most of the world. Sephiroth shrugs.

"I wanted to see what would happen when Tseng catches you." Sephiroth states, shrugging and ignoring the glare Reno sent him. He snickers as Reno ducks behind another crate as an innocent lab assistant walks by.

"You already know, he swore up and down he would feed me to a dragon if I ever got an idea like that again." Reno says, glaring at the lab assistant's back. Most of them knew they were here and were either ignoring them because Sephiroth was here or because Reno hid here so often.

"Now where would he find a dragon in the middle of Midgar?" Sephiroth asks, raising an eyebrow as the green-eyed Turk hisses at someone who comes to close. Somewhere across the room Hojo rolls his eyes.

"Right there!" Reno yells, pointing at one of the cages, which contained a baby black dragon. Sephiroth stares in some mix between shock and horror. The dragon mews and looks pathetic; one of the lab assistants dares to creep closer.

"Now where did he get that?" Sephiroth asks, Reno shrugs as the baby roars and eats the lab assistant who dared come too close. Nobody really notices save for the other lab assistants who eye the creature warily. Sephiroth blinks. "And speaking of where people get things, where did you get the flame-thrower from last time?"

"Enemy-skill materia." Reno says, pulling out the little yellow orb from his many pockets. Sephiroth raises an eyebrow. It wasn't a rare materia per say; it's just that not many had the patience to allow themselves to be hit with something.

"Are you two going to do something or are you going to cower behind my crates for the rest of the day?" Hojo demands, walking over to where the pair was hiding. Though it may be said that they weren't hiding that well, I mean Sephiroth was just standing there. Reno whips out a spoon from somewhere inside his jacket and holds it up like a cross.

"Back Mad Scientist, Back I say!" The redhead yells, waving it around in front of him. Hojo hisses and Sephiroth pulls his spoon out as well. Hojo decides to go back to working on whatever he was doing before he decided to ask. "Oh and we're just going to cower behind these crates for the rest of the day." Reno adds as an afterthought, ignoring Sephiroth's disbelieving look.

"Oh look here comes Tseng…" Sephiroth says, staring at the elevator more commonly used by lab assistants and Hojo. Reno swears loudly and dives into one of the crates, spoon clutched firmly in one hand.

Let's just say Reno wasn't found for the rest of the day…And Sephiroth was very, very amused.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review. We're averaging about a thousand hits per update and I don't know whether to be honored or disturbed.

BloodyChaos: "That was fun to write…"

Zach: "Hmmm, whatever you say…"

BloodyChaos: "Anyways if you liked it please review…"


	20. Witchhunt

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I'm really, really happy today… I have four new games, Arc the Lad: ToS, Orphen, Dragon Quest VIII and Kingdom Hearts II… and my dad bought me Advent Children and the strategy guide for KHII, so I'm quite sure most of you will understand if I don't update as often…

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Elena, Witchunt…as requested by **bdsproductions**

"WITCH!" Reno screams jokingly, jumping into Elena's office and pointing at her. Startled, Elena falls out of her chair with a loud thump. Reno bursts out laughing and Elena glares at him. He had been doing idiotic stuff like this since she joined the Turks last week.

"For the thousand time Reno, I am not a witch." Elena growls, eye twitching as she gets off the floor and dusts herself off. She reaches for her paperweight as Reno laughs on; unaware of the danger he's in.

"OWWW! GOD DAMN WITCH!" He yells as the paperweight connects with his head. Rubbing the sore spot carefully he glares at Elena, green eyes glinting dangerously. "You and Hojo should be burned at the stake for crimes against nature and then fed to Zack because he's stupid and will eat anything."

"What! I haven't committed any crimes against nature! And Zack will not eat anything." Elena shouts, crossing her arms and pouting. Reno points out the door where coincidentally Zack just happens to be walking past… Eating something from the cafeteria. Elena blinks. "Ok I guess Zack really will eat anything, but that doesn't mean I committed any crimes against nature."

"You threw a paperweight at me… That's a crime." Reno says, nodding authoritatively. Elena stares at him and shakes her head. She had heard

"That's not a crime against nature, I doubt it's even a crime and you were asking for it." Elena states slowly as if Reno were an idiot and needed to have everything sounded out for him. Reno glares at her.

"Was not!" He shouts stomping his foot like a three-year old who's been denied candy.

"Was too!" Elena shouts back, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Was not!"

"Was too!" Elena's eye twitches.

"I did not ask for you to throw something at my head!" Reno screams, fighting back a snicker. It was really fun to see how long he could make Elena act like a five year old.

"Maybe you didn't come out and say it, but you were acting like you needed something thrown at you." Elena counters, some rationality coming back but not much. Reno sticks his tongue out at her and makes a face.

"You're just an ugly old witch…" Reno laughs out before running for his life. Elena screams out in pure rage and takes off after him. He ducks into the one safe place in the building, the men's bathroom and heads for the vents.

Tseng didn't ask when Reno came in covered in cobwebs and Elena stalked in red in the face. There were just somethings he didn't need to know about.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review, you are very much appreciated.

BloodyChaos: "Is that a lightning bug over there…." stares at the lightning bug

Zach: sighs "Don't you have something to say?"

BloodyChaos: "oh, right… This chapter was fun to write , if you liked it, please review."


	21. Coffee

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I've been distracted...

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Rufus, Rude, Coffee…Inspired by: Various people I know who are scared by the fact that I am allowed caffeine on a daily basis.

While there were many things in this world that could make Reno screech like a little girl, there weren't quite as many that could make Rude do the same. One of those things was a snake of any kind; the other was Reno on or having access to caffeine in any way, shape or form.

And Rufus just installed a coffeemaker into the Turk's breakroom...

"Ooohhh Coffee." Reno says, walking into the breakroom and sniffing the air. A big grin appears on his face as he pours a cup and dumps a ton of sugar in it. Tseng sweatdrops and shakes his head as elsewhere Rude shudders and feels as though he will shriek like a girl before the day is through.

"Why do I have the sudden urge to run screaming from the building as if the apocalypse is coming?" Rude remarks aloud as he walks into the breakroom. He stops and blinks as Reno grins at him from behind his cup. "Reno...is that coffee?" He asks as calmly as a man facing one of his greatest fears possibly can.

"Yep, Rufus just installed a new coffeemaker, wasn't that nice of him?" Reno asks, taking a big gulp of his caffeine. Rude sweatdrops and takes several shaky steps backwards. Reno raises an eyebrow. "You ok?"  
"I'm...fine." Rude grinds out before turning around and running screaming for his life. Reno watches him go with some amusement and much confusion as he casually sips the source of Rude's fear.

Somewhere far above them on the sixty-ninth floor, Rufus snickers out loud causing his secretary to stare at him like he's lost it. He had finally got revenge on Rude for eating his chocolate cake at the Solstice party, and it couldn't have been sweeter.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "This is for everyone who screams when I have caffeine. You know who you are."

Zach: "Yes I believe we do.

BloodyChaos: "Anyways if you liked it, please review. And if there's something you'd like to see, don't hesitate to ask. It might take a while but I will eventually write it."


	22. Nyquil, Shinra Employees, stalkerchocobo

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Oh Joy and cupcakes...we're going back to school pretty soon, which means that writing will once again be one of my few entertainment's which means this will probably be updated more often...

Random Story: Go Read **Atlamillia **by _DarkBane, _even if you haven't played Dark Cloud, it's very well written and explains a few things about the game.

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, a stalker chocobo, random shinra employees, Nyquil requested by **Sabith**

Reno peers nervously over his shoulder as he heads towards his office. He could've sworn he just heard something go "waaarrk". Maybe he was just paranoid, or maybe he had taken just a little bit too much Nyquil this morning, but he could swear he was being followed

He ducks into the nearest doorway, which just incidentally happened to be the office of random shinra employee #298. Upon seeing the redhead he jumps and hides under his desk, expecting the absolute worst. Reno decides not to disappoint and sets fire to the man's paperwork and after a moment's thought his pants.

He then proceeds to leave the office, forgetting why he had gone in there in the first place and goes across the hall to do the same to #298's neighbor #463. Grinning happily he whistles and proceeds to go on his merry way.

"OK, this is getting really annoying." Reno growls out, noticing that he is still being followed and it wasn't just a Nyquil-induced delusion. He turns to face his stalker and hopefully set them on fire and throw them out the nearest window. He blinks. "STALKER-CHOCOBO!" He screams, running down the hallway and trampling several unsuspecting, unimportant employees in his attempt to find someplace safe from the steed of evil.

It took twenty minutes for Tseng to get him off the ceiling and nine to get him to stop cowering behind the potted plants in the hallway. He never did make it to his office that day.

Needless to say, Reno was not allowed to have Nyquil ever again. Rufus made it illegal to sell it to him.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "Oddly enough I'm rarely allowed near Nyquil either..."

Zach: "You on Nyquil... That's a scary thought..."

BloodyChaos: "Yes, yes it is...Anyways if you liked it please review...and keep in mind I'm always open to suggestions ."


	23. Zoo

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Two drabbles in two days, I feel motivated...

Warnings: same as first and second chapters, go read.

Challenge: Reno, Rufus, Zoo requested by **Child of a Pineapple**

"Why are we at the Zoo?" Reno asks cautiously, looking at Rufus out of the corner of his eye. Rufus grins brightly and grabs Reno's wrist, dragging him over to the animal cages.

"Look, doesn't that remind you of someone!" Rufus says, practically bouncing in his excitement. Reno sighs and turns to look in the cage, then blinks as he comes face to face with a pair of catlike green eyes.

"Holy..." He mutters, watching the albino tiger stalk around it's cage. Rufus's grin grows wider, still bouncing with excitement. "It's Sephiroth...in cat form..."

"And look, Tseng's his neighbor." Rufus says, pointing into the adjacent cage where a panther is lounging in the shadows. It turns it's yellow gaze on them and yawns. Reno snickers as the tiger glares at them indignantly. He turns to look at Rufus.

"You brought me here to see to cats who look remarkably similar to Tseng and Sephiroth." Reno asks, raising an eyebrow at the laughing blonde. Rufus shakes his head and points to something in the tiger cage.

"Nooo I brought you here to see cats who look remarkably similar to Tseng, Sephiroth and You." Rufus says, emphasizing the last part as a very red tiger stalks into view, it's green eyes sparkling mischievously. Reno opens his mouth and then shuts it as the red one pounces on the white.

He glances at Rufus. "Don't you feel a bit left out...I mean Tseng, Seph and I all have cat alter-egos... and you don't." Reno says thoughtfully, Rufus's eyes narrow... What was Reno planning? "Let's find you one." Reno chirps, dragging the blonde in the direction of the lion cages.

"Reno..." Rufus says warningly, watching the red tiger, which was for all appearances, cheering the redhead on. The white seemed to be snickering and the panther was licking his paw.

"Look Rufus, there you are." Reno snickers, pointing to a half-grown cub who was sitting apart from all the rest. It glances in their direction and sniffs, turning it's face away snootily. Rufus twitches as Reno bursts out laughing. "Yes that is definitely you."

Rufus resolved to never take Reno anywhere where there might possibly be something he wouldn't like.

TBC

BloodyChaos: "I liked that one better than the last one..."

Zach: "Who knows why?"

BloodyChaos: "Sephy-kitty, Tseng-kitty, Reno-kitty and Rufus-kitty were just too cute to resist. Anyways if you liked it, please review."


	24. RenoTseng, Closet

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I couldn't resist doing this one first, partly because it's the first time anyone's actually requested a pairing... Sooo yeah. Time to get back to work.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter except for one teensy detail... There's some actual Tseng/Reno interaction, if you're not comfortable with it, don't read.

Challenge: Reno/Tseng as requested by **Beatrix Ravenclaw**, Closet,

"What in the hell!" Tseng yells out as something slams into him and drags him to the nearest closet. He looks down and sighs as he recognizes the top of Reno's spiky red hair. "Please tell me you have a good reason for this."

"I do! You were about to be eaten by a rabid stalker-chocobo." Reno says quite seriously, looking his boss in the eye. Tseng notes that his second in command's eyes are slightly glazed over.

"What have you been into?" Tseng asks, rubbing his forehead as he notices that Reno has yet to let go of him. The redhead smiles, swaying slightly in the non-existent breeze.

"I wasn't feeling well this morning so Zack gave me some medicine." Reno chirps, smiling dizzily as Tseng's arms wrap around him to keep him upright. Tseng sighs and shakes his head.

"You really should've known better than to trust Zack." Tseng says as Reno collapses against him. He smiles slightly, running his hands through Reno's ponytail.

"You know, you look really nice when I'm not feeling well." Reno mutters, not quite sure if that's a good thing or bad. Tseng snorts.

"I prefer to think that I look nice all the time." Tseng says, smirking down at the sick redhead within his arms and moving so he was leaning against the closet wall.

"You'd look nicer if you'd have some fun for once..." Reno says with a smirk, eyes filling with determination as he leans forward and places a not so chaste kiss on Tseng's lips. The Wutaiian Turk's eyes widen and then close as he kisses back.

"You're good at that." Reno states dreamily, pulling back with a goofy grin on his face. Tseng smirks and leans in for another kiss as the closet door opens and a camera flash goes off. The pair turns to face the intruder. Tseng's eyebrow twitches as Reno faints in his arms.

"Don't you think it's about time you came out of the closet?" Sephiroth asks with an evil looking smirk.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review... I loveth you all...

Random support: Check out _DarkBane's _**Atlamillia, **Awesome storyline, well written and as far as I can tell, no knowledge of the actual game needed.

BloodyChaos: "Tseng and Reno made out in a closet and were caught by Sephiroth... why does that remind me of something... oh..."

Zach: "You should never be allowed to write about closets again."

BloodyChaos: "Blast you Muse for making me write that, now closets will forever be associated with that...particular piece of writing..."

Zach: "Shouldn't you tell the readers what you're babbling about?"

BloodyChaos: "Only if they ask, anyways if you liked it please review...and if you have a request leave it in the review please... I have three other to finish though."


	25. Puppy, Harry Potter

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: This one was rather hard to figure out, but hey I wrote it.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter

Challenge: Sephiroth, Reno, a puppy and Harry Potter requested by **Justice of the People**

"Reno what in the hell is that?" Sephiroth demands, rubbing his forehead as he steps into his office.

"It's a puppy." Reno says, holding the small barking animal. Sephiroth resists the impulse to slam his head in the wall.

"I see that." Sephiroth grinds out, eye twitching. "What exactly is it doing in my office?" He asks as calmly as he can. You see Sephiroth was not a dog person, you see someone told him that Hojo was just a really old dog when he was young and impressionable and so he grew up believing that all dogs were like Hojo.

"I brought it here." Reno says, ignoring the towering homicidal rage that is Sephiroth in favor of petting the puppy. "Isn't it adorable?" Reno hugs the puppy, a big smile on his face. Sephiroth stares at him.

"Reno..." Sephiroth says in that tone that means he's going to prove you wrong in favor of stabbing you and dancing the macarena on your grave. "By no means necessary is a baby dog anywhere near being adorable. When it grows up it'll turn into Hojo."

"Umm..." Reno looks confused for a moment, wondering how in the hell one responded to that. He blinks. "You know I have no clue how to respond to that so I'm going to back my office to read Harry Potter, come talk to me when you're sane again."  
And with that Reno left with the puppy, leaving Sephiroth to sink into his chair with relief, only to find that the Hojo-to-be had left a 'present' on his floor.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing. We're up to 11,000+hits.

BloodyChaos: "I'm not too fond of Dogs myself.

Zach: "You have two of them.

BloodyChaos: "And both of them are dumber than rocks. Anyways if you liked it please review."


	26. Vincent, Elevator

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: This request was altered a bit and yes I am quite aware that it is highly doubtable that Vincent was still a Turk in this timeframe.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter except for one teensy detail... There's some actual Tseng/Reno interaction, if you're not comfortable with it, don't read.

Challenge: Reno, Vincent requested by **Jenny, **Elevator.

"Morning Vincent." Reno says, whistling cheerfully as he steps onto the elevator. The ever-elusive Turk nods in greeting, choosing not to speak to the younger, louder Turk. He was rarely in HQ, opting instead to go on various missions about the world but even he knew tales of Reno's various exploits.

Reno bounces on the balls of his feet, watching the floor-lights flash and wishing Shinra wasn't too cheap to play music in their elevators. Heck, even that wailing Elena listened too would be preferable to this awkward silence.

"Soo..." Reno says out loud, continuing to fidget nervously. Vincent was legend among the Turks; he was the best of the best. If it wasn't for the fact that he hated talking he was sure the black-haired man would've been Turk leader. But that had nothing to do with Reno's actions, he was nervous for another reason.

"Will you please stop twitching... I'm not going to bite." Vincent says, chuckling darkly. Reno stares at him for a moment, wondering if the man was kidding or not.

"Are you a vampire?" The redhead suddenly blurts out. Sure it was a dangerous thing to ask when you were alone in an elevator with the man but hey whoever said Reno had common sense? Besides Sephiroth and Tseng were sure to avenge his death partly because they were still arguing over who had dibs.

"Not that I'm aware of." Vincent says, blinking.

"I think you are." Reno announces a wide grin on his face. Vincent stares at him.

"I'm not." By this point in time Vincent had decided Reno was insane.

"Me thinks you deny it." Reno was really asking for it.

"Do you want me to shoot you?" Vincent asks coolly, not even ruffled by Reno's idiocy.

"If it will get me out of going to the board meeting today, yes." Reno says, taking any chance he could get to get out of it. Dark Nation had insisted on sitting on his lap for the entire meeting last time and he did not want to go through having a 500lb cat on him again.

Vincent stares at him for a second and for the fifth time this morning, regrets leaving his gun in his car.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review.

BloodyChaos: "I can see this happening sadly enough and I wouldn't be surprised if it actually has happened. Reno doesn't seem like the type to keep his mouth shut."

Zach: "How true that is."

BloodyChaos: "If you liked it, please review."


	27. Time Warp, Video Games, Bendy Straw

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses. And I certainly don't own the **Time Warp** which belongs to the lovely creators of the **Rocky Horror Picture Show**

A/N: I just keep picturing Reno jumping up on the table and doing the Time Warp... This chapter has been Dedicated to **MuseofDestructiveness** for introducing me to the wonder that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter

Challenge: Reno, Vincent, Tseng, Time Warp, Video Games and a Bendy Straw requested by **Kazutaka Muraki**

"Reno...put the gameboy up." Tseng hisses as Vincent walks into the boardroom. Reno glances up, snorts and turns back to his game. Vincent raises an eyebrow before taking a seat. "RENO!"

"Ok, ok... If I can't play my gameboy during the meeting, what can I do..." Reno asks, turning it off and placing it in his pocket. He pouts for a minute and then perks up looking at Vincent. "Hey Vin, you wanna do the Time Warp with me..."

"The time what?" Vincent questions emotionlessly, raising an eyebrow at the redheaded Turk. Tseng sighs, praying this didn't end with blood, tears and an injured Reno. Reno stares at the pair of them in shock.

"You know, the Time Warp..." Reno says, drawing blank looks from the pair. "Rocky Horror Picture Show... You know where they're all dancing... ""More blank looks. Reno huffs and jumps on the table. "Here I'll show you."

Tseng and Vincent exchange looks as Reno starts to sing. Meanwhile various other shinra employees emerge and stare at the redhead. Vincent bemoans the fact that he's out of bullets.

"It's just a jump to the left and a jump to the right. Put your hands on your hips and bring your knees in tight..." Reno signs happily, following the actions as everyone stares at him. Tseng looks around to find something to distract him from this insanity. "Then it's a pelvic thrust..."

"Reno, look a bendy straw!" Tseng shouts out before it can get any worse or possibly traumatizing for them all... or before he is tempted into joining. He holds up said object, wondering if it is enough to distract the redhead.

"Oooohhh Bendy straw." Reno says, forgetting what he was doing in the first place and running over to retrieve the entertaining object. Tseng sighs as the event is forgotten for the moment and hopefully for the rest of his life, little did he know Sephiroth had recorded it on camera.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "I can see Reno doing that... and I know I would do it... if Muse convinced me too."

Zach: "..."

BloodyChaos: "And Zach is shocked beyond all reason, If you liked it, please review."


	28. Intelligence

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Wondering when the next update's going to be? Want to know what I've been up to lately? Visit my livejournal... My screenname is **AlternateChaos. **

Warnings: same as first and second chapter

Challenge: Zack, Vincent, Cloud, Intelligence.

"Hey look a Vampire!" Zack shouts, pointing at Vincent. Vincent stares at him emotionlessly. Cloud smacks Zack upside the head.

"Sorry about that, he's kind of an idiot." The blonde trooper says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly as he stares at the Turk. Vincent says nothing.

"Hey, I resent that, I'll have you know I made higher than 100 on the IQ test." Zack says indignantly, crossing his arms and glaring at the smaller man. Cloud sighs.

"And what exactly did you make on the psyche test?" Cloud asks, rolling his eyes as Zack thinks for a moment.

"Umm... Oh look a bird." Zack says, looking up. Cloud stares at him, Vincent looks up then redirects his gaze towards Zack.

"Zack, we're indoors." Cloud states with the experience of one who is used to dealing with Zack. Zack frowns and Vincent continues to stare emotionlessly.

"A pterodactyl then." Zack adds, Cloud shakes his head.

"Pterodactyls are extinct Zack." Cloud sighs, rubbing his forehead.

"Superman..." Zack says hopefully, eyes bright as he looks at Cloud. The blonde's eye twitches as Vincent watches silently.

"Do you want me to shoot him? It would certainly save you a lot of trouble and headaches." Vincent asks, looking at Cloud who sweatdrops. Zack looks confused.

"You're a vampire, vampires don't shoot people they bite." Zack pauses and looks at Vincent who looks back. Zack pales. "OH MY PANCAKES! YOU'RE GOING TO EAT ME!" Zack screeches, running down the hall in a panic. Several innocent employees stare at his back in confusion then look at Cloud and Vincent who shrug... Well Cloud shrugs.

"Not the brightest bulb in the package is he?" Vincent remarks, before heading wherever he was going before all this happened. Cloud sighs and follows after Zack, hoping that he wasn't hiding in the vents... or the ladies bathroom.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

ATTENTION! We're closing in on 200 reviews, you guys know the drill, if you're my 200th reviewer you get your choice of one-shot.

BloodyChaos: "I can see Zack announcing that quite randomly."

Zach: "I can see you doing that."

BloodyChaos: "Oh and the bird comment came from a shirt that my best friend is always threatening to buy me... If you liked it please review... and keep in mind 200th review gets a one-shot."


	29. Whipped Cream, Pocky

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Updates may be sporadic, school started and I have homework...at least it's easy... If you really want to know what I'm doing or when the next update is check my livejournal.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter

Challenge: Reno, Zack, Whipped Cream and Pocky requested by **Ariyhou Akisuzu**...

"I come bearing gifts of goodwill and chaos." Zack announces, bouncing into Reno's office with his arms full of whipped cream and pocky. Reno raises an eyebrow at him.

"Where did you get that?" The redhead asks, it was best to ask this when Zack was involved. He really didn't want to know but he just had to know to make sure he wouldn't get in trouble for being involved.

"Rufus's office." Zack says, plopping down on the site of the infamous sock threesome. Reno snorts and rolls his eyes, he should've guessed. Rufus always had something that would possibly cause the end of the world stocked in his office.

"Toss me some, I'm starving." Reno says, spinning around in his chair and flipping through a report he was supposed to be reading. Zack blinks and looks horrified.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't for eating." Zack says, waving his arms around like an idiot. Reno stares at him.

"Then what exactly is it for." Reno growls, he was hungry Odin damn it and Zack had food he wasn't sharing. He considered eating Zack for a moment, but that would just result in mass panic.

"Building." Zack says matter-of-factly, squirting whipped cream on the floor and laying pocky sticks on top of it.

"Building what?" Reno asks, eyeing the mess in his floor warily. Zack blinks.

"A Pocky and Whipped Cream Castle of course." Zack says, looking at Reno as though their situations were switched.

"In my office?" Reno says, for further clarification. Zack nods, Reno frowns and is silent for a minute. "Do I get to eat it after you finish it?"

"Of course." Zack says slowly. What kind of friend would he be if he didn't?

"Ok then. Need any help?"

And so the whipped cream and pocky castle was built in Reno's office.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review. We've gone 14 above 200 reviews and I'd like to thank each and every one of you for contributing. This fic would not be possible without you...

BloodyChaos: "Maybe I should build a castle made our of snackfood.

Zach: "Where would you build it?

BloodyChaos: "... My fave. Teacher's room, simply because he would let me if I asked...Anyways reviews would be very much appreciated as are challenges for the next drabble. ."


	30. Bonfire, String

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Thirtieth chapter, I feel almost happy... if it wasn't for the fact that I'm supposed to be doing homework. Just don't tell my mom that . Oh and this update was rather late because my dad randomly visited...

Warnings: same as first and second chapter

Challenge: Reno, Vincent, bonfire, and yarn requested by **Child of a Pineapple**

It was Tuesday and in Reno's opinion the only thing more boring than Tuesday was that odd guy on the sixth floor who liked to lecture on the history of goblins. Which is why he was making it more interesting by having a paperwork bonfire in his office.

The fact that Tseng was gone on a mission had nothing to do with it, really. In fact it had more to do with the fact that Elena's office was right beside Reno's. She was a witch; she deserved to go up in flame anyways.

Reno cackles insanely tossing more of his useless paperwork onto the blaze. He wonders idly where he stuffed those marshmallows he had almost put in the tennis ball machine but decided that they weren't damaging enough.

"What in the hell are you doing?" Vincent's toneless voice demands, scaring the hell out of Reno more than Tseng's shouting, Rufus's ranting or Rude's silence ever could. The redheaded Turk blinks and grins sheepishly at the elder Turk.

"Uhh...Did you just see that person who was most certainly not me toss all my paperwork in the floor, set it on fire and cackle insanely, then run out of the room just as you came in." Reno asks, eyes wide and as innocent as he could possibly pull off. Vincent stares at him emotionlessly.

"No." He says, his tone freezing the air around it. Reno's eye twitches and he edges closer to the fire.

"Now I remember. He climbed out the window using a piece of yarn." Reno says pointing at the open window where there was indeed a piece of red yarn hanging out of it. Vincent looks at it.

"That's from Zack's escape attempt when he was convinced I was going to eat him." Vincent states calmly, he had walked by Reno's office just in time to see Zack almost fall out the window. Reno pouts and looks up.

"Oh look a potted plant." Reno says, pointing in a corner, Vincent blinks as the redhead zips out of there and regrets not having enough time to draw his gun.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing...

BloodyChaos: "For those of you who are wondering I have actually used the 'person who's most certainly not me' excuse. I won't tell you why unless you ask though.

Zach: "Don't ask, it's disturbing enough when you know the reasons behind it and it's something a three year old would do."

BloodyChaos: " Anyways reviews and challenges are appreciated."


	31. Pocket

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: School is nothing but a pain in the ass, yesterday we did absolutely nothing. I went to my homeroom teacher's room during second and third period to read and mess around on his computer...

Warnings: same as first and second chapter

Challenge: Vincent, Zach, pocket by **girlscout370**

Vincent was calmly walking down the hall to his office, enjoying the peace and quiet. For once there were no screams, smoke or idiots blocking his path. It almost made him... happy-ish at least until he opened the door to his office and found Zack trying to climb into the pocket of his spare pants (with Reno around it was always wise to bring a spare).

"What in the hell are you doing?" He asks tonelessly, slightly irritated that his idiot-free day was ruined. Zack blinks and falls over a chair, blinking stupidly at him.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing..." Zack says, trying to get his foot out of the pocket of the pants. Vincent raises an eyebrow.

"What are you doing with my pants?" This sadly was often repeated around the building, Zack being well known for pilfering various clothing items. So far Vincent hadn't been hit, but there always was a first time for everything... Zack looks at the ceiling as he tries to come up with a excuse.

"Well I can tell you one thing, I am most certainly not trying to climb into the pocket of your pants because Reno most certainly did not offer to pay me five gil if I did and Sephiroth most certainly did encourage this." Zack says, clearly not realizing he was ratting himself and Reno out while giving Vincent an ally in his cause. Vincent's eye twitches.

"Just get out of my office before I shoot you in the esophagus." Vincent says in monotone, pointing towards the door. Zack looks somewhat relieved.

"Whatever you day Vampyre-man." Zack says, walking out of the office with the pair of pants still on his foot.

Needless to say nobody could figure out how Zack got a pair of pants stuck on his foot, much less how he got a pair of Vincent's pants. It would forever remain one of Shinra's mysteries until someone gets Vincent drunk and asks.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review... We are almost at the 250 review mark... and while I'm not offering a One-shot I will dedicate something to you...

BloodyChaos: "On a completely unrelated note I'm doing a Set of Reno icons for SentientIcons at LJ, so if anyone would like to check that out go take a look on my LJ...Though I haven't got anything up as yet."

Zach: "Yeah you probably should get to working on that."

BloodyChaos: "Anyways if you liked it please review."


	32. RufusSephiroth snowglobe fuzzy slippers

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I have a not-so-random story recommendation for all you people out there: go read **Beatrisu's**_Walk Down Memory Lane_. It's a Tseng-centric fic that delves into parts of Tseng's past and suchlike, It's fairly well written and a very good read so please check it out and remember to review.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Rufus/Sephiroth, snowglobe, fuzzy slippers by **Nectaris**

It was Sunday.

The day when all the Turks got so drunk they couldn't stand straight much less walk. Usually this ended up with someone (Reno) hanging onto the ceiling fan for dear life (though how he got up there would remain a mystery), but this time the Turks had taken along a little guest on their drinking spree. So instead of one comatose Turk (usually Reno) in his office he had one comatose Turk (surprisingly Rude.) and a drunken vice president.

The only thing that made him feel better was that Tseng had to deal with Vincent and Vincent was the worst drunk of all of them. Vincent would not be happy unless he was either killing something or watching someone make-out... Sephiroth never asked why, he treasured what little sanity he had.

On the other hand, Rufus could only be distracted by a snowglobe and a pair of fuzzy slippers. Neither of which was in Sephiroth's possession at the moment, which meant he had to endure random drunken comments from the younger, and wonder why Tseng let him go drinking.

"You know, you're really pretty." Rufus says, draping his body over the general and twirling a strand of mithril-silver hair around his fingers. Sephiroth sighs.

"I know, Reno saw fit to inform me of this fact the last time he was drunk..." Sephiroth says rolling his eyes as Rufus hiccups and falls face first into his lap giggling. Were he a lesser man and more of a pervert he certainly would've taken advantage of the lad, but luckily for Rufus he wasn't.

A loud bang causes them both to jump and Rufus to fall out of his lap, much to his relief and they both look up to see Reno running naked down the hallway, a pants-less Tseng following two steps behind and a highly amused, slightly flushed Vincent trailing behind him.

Sephiroth glances at the drunken boy in the floor and then at the forms of potential blackmail running down the hall. Rufus was his responsibility for the moment and he wouldn't give it up for a Naked Reno, a Pants-less Tseng and a _Happy_ Vincent.

If that wasn't love he didn't know what was...

TBC

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers for being so supportive. I'm trying to qrite your requests as fast as I can without failing my classes.

BloodyChaos: "Umm...Let's just not ask."

Zach: "Yes lets."

BloodyChaos: " Anyways, if you liked it please review."


	33. Sailboat and SephirothTseng

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I am a seething mass of rage and caffeine... Let's just not ask why. Though partly because I just like the sound of being a seething mass of rage and caffeine.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Sephiroth/Tseng and a sailboat by **MoonPiemaniac**

Tseng really should've known better than to have gone anywhere near a sailboat when Reno was involved. Sephiroth should've known better than to be involved when Reno and Zack were collaborating and it involved a sailboat and Tseng.

It had all started out so innocently as these things often do. Reno has suggested a day at Costa De Sol and Zack had suggested going fishing (he had brought spoons for bait). If they had known that they were going to end up alone in the middle of the ocean with no way of getting back for at least twelve hours they would not have agreed.

And if Sephiroth had known that Tseng was going to fall overboard and nearly catch hypothermia he would've suggested that Reno take his place as he was probably the most comfortable with... what Sephiroth was now doing.

By mutual agreement it was never to be spoken of again.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "That really cheers me up. If you didn't get it, Sephiroth and Tseng are naked and sharing body heat. Tis a good smut plot if I was motivated enough to write smut... which sadly I'm not."

Zach: "Thank the gods. The last one was disturbing enough."

BloodyChaos: "Shut it Zach, anyways kindly review and give me your opinion."


	34. Window, paper fish

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I'm trying to get as much of these done as possible while I have a spare moment. So expect quite a few this weekend.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Reno, a paper fish on a string. His office window. Vincent, with bonus points for him getting overly stressed and doing his limitbreak-monster-transformation thing. requested by **Mako Anima **

"Hey Vincent can you help me rescue my fish?" Reno asks as Vincent walks past his open door. The dark Turk blinks slowly, turning his head to look into the redhead's office. The aforementioned Turk seemed to be half-way out his window and hanging onto something for dear life.

"Your fish?" He asks in that slow deep tone of voice, still staring at the rambunctious man with calm red eyes. Reno nods; a troubled grin on his face as he looked down.

"Yeah it flew out the window and got tangled around this stupid thing that Tseng insists be under my window just incase I get tempted to throw someone out of it." Reno growls, giving the object in his grasp a tug.

Vincent continues to stare, he was quite certain that fish neither flew nor got tangled around things nor could they last very long outside of water. But the redhead wasn't very bright and since he had once brought his toothbrush to work and claimed it had a personality Vincent was inclined to believe that he had brought a dead fish to work on a string. It sounded like something the redhead would do.

"Fine." Vincent grumbles, pushing up his sleeves and walking into the office. Reno grins over his shoulder at him.

"Thanks a million." He says wholeheartedly as the older Turk moves to stand behind him. He hands Vincent the end of a string and hangs almost completely out the window.

Five minutes later finds Reno and his paper fish named 'Charlotte' running from a completely enraged Vincent in Chaos form.

The moral of our story: Never let Reno have string.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "Well that was fun, onto the next one and kindly leave a review because they hearten me so."


	35. DDR, Flamthrower

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Still a seething mass of rage and caffeine.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Reno, Rude, Sephiroth, DDR, Cloud, Flame Thrower from **Reno's Hot**

"What in the hell is this infernal thing?" Sephiroth demands, staring in half-rage half-confusion at the machine before him. Reno giggles, throwing an arm around the taller male's shoulders and patting his back half-heartedly.

"It's DDR man. Where have you been living? Under a rock?" Reno asks, swaying slightly as the silver-haired man stares at him. Yes Reno was most definitely drunk and not only was he drunk, he was happy. This did not bode well for the General.

Sephiroth sighs and gives the redhead his best 'are you a retard' look before shaking his head. "And what exactly is the purpose of this machine?" He says, unaware of how much he was going to regret saying that in five minutes. It's Reno's turn to stare.

"It's dance dance revolution. You dance." Rude says, using his amazing skills at pointing out the obvious. Sephiroth's eyes narrow as a look of evilness slowly begins to appear on Reno's face.

"No." Sephiroth states firmly, glowing green eyes meeting glowing green eyes. Reno grins mischievously, his eyes half-glazed over from the alcohol he's drank.

"Yes or those pictures of you and..." Reno is interrupted by a loud crash, several screams and a large stream of flame rushing into the room followed by Cloud with a flamethrower and a crazed look in his eyes.

He advances on the drunk duo and the somewhat sober psychopath, two of whom are calmly discussing what funeral arrangements they'd like.

However just as they're about to become extra-crispy shinra employees the alarm clock rings and Sephiroth wakes up. However he doesn't even bother to even think of trying to analyze his dreams, for all he knows that could mean that Reno was going to force him to dance, Rude was going to video tape it and Cloud was going to throw a hissy fit.

Oddly enough that's exactly what happened that day.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "umm... not quite sure where that one came from... Let's just not ask."

Zach: "Yes let's"

BloodyChaos: "Anyways reviews would be appreciated."


	36. Pie

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I've written four drabbles in one hour, that's good. Almost tempts me to dance.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter. Some moderate language.

Challenge: Reno, Vincent, Zack, Pie. From **Koom**

The longer Vincent was awake the more tempted he was to stab someone in the face.

He'd settle for being able to shoot one of those idiots though, but Scarlet had 'borrowed' his gun for testing. So instead of causing harm he was glaring with killing intent at those who are beloved by fangirls everywhere (just not as much as him).

Now as you may have already guessed those two annoyances are also known as Reno and Zack and they're not just annoying Vincent, they're annoying all of Shinra. And they're not just doing that.

They're hogging all of the goddamn pie.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "I think that was perhaps one of the best so far, don't ask me why Anyways reviews would be appreciated."


	37. kareoke

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I've decided that this will end when it has fifty chapters. Why? Because to write anymore than that would be insane...er than I already am and fifty seems to be a good choice.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Reno, Vincent, Karaoke. From **Tolkienologist**

Vincent was really starting to doubt his sanity.

Not that he hadn't started to doubt it before, but he had been hearing random singing all day and was beginning to think all the voices in his head had finally driven him to insanity. Well that or they'd finally learned how to sing.

"Chaos?" He says outloud, not caring what it might look like to anyone who just might be lurking outside of his door. Chaos grumbles at the corner of his mind and assures Vincent that no one inside his mind is singing, that it must be from somewhere outside and could Vincent please keep his delusions to himself.

Now that he thought about it the voice sounded somewhat like Reno singing into a kareoke machine and when he looked across the hall into Reno's office he saw Reno singing into a kareoke machine.

For the sake of what little sanity he had left he put the damn thing out of his misery (the kareoke machine not Reno, he had been aiming for Reno but missed) and there would no longer be singing to distract him for angsting... I mean working.

And wouldn't you know that just happened to be the instant Chaos learned to sing.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing, 21000 hits and still going strong .

BloodyChaos: "Whooo only two left, which means I am now free to ask for more requests so if you have them kindly send them in."

Zach: "You disturb me greatly."

BloodyChaos: "And you make me laugh. If you liked it please review. "


	38. bday cake, scars, Dark Nation, Potion

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Another day, another chapter...

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Reno, Tseng, Sephiroth, a b-day cake, Reno's scars, Dark Nation, Hojo, a potion from Hojo's lab, and a lego building from **ShalBrenfan**

"Hey, did you know today's Hojo's birthday?" Reno asks as he rummages through his desk for some random object. Tseng blinks, he had just stuck his head in the door to yell at Reno for kicking Zack's Lego building over and already the redhead was distracting him.

"No..." Tseng sighs, looking towards the ceiling and praying for Shiva to grant him the patience to deal with today without the impulse to slam his or other people's heads into the wall. Reno grins, holding up a small glass bottle filled with a poisonous looking potion.

"I'm going to give him a...special present." Reno says, swirling the liquid around carefully before opening the box on his desk and pouring it over the object within. Tseng steps closer to see a cake with the words 'Happy Birthday'.

"What is that?" He asks, eyeing the bottle warily. Either way he wasn't going to touch the cake. Reno laughs maniacally, his green eyes glinting evilly.

"Some random potion I swiped from Hojo's lab a year or so ago. You know when I got my scars in that unfortunate 'accident'." Reno says angrily; the issue wasn't brought up often. Most people weren't even aware that Hojo gave Reno his scars. Though it did explain his hate of him. "Hey you want to come with me to the party?" The redhead asks, no longer dwelling on the past now that revenge was so close.

"Party?" Tseng repeats, raising an eyebrow. He couldn't see anyone willingly throwing a party for Hojo. Reno grins evilly.

"Yeah, Sephiroth and I are throwing him a party." Reno says, the evil grin on his face growing wider with every word. Now this Tseng had to see. Sephiroth and Reno's hate of Hojo was infamous; any thing they did concerning him was bound to be evil... and amusing for any onlookers.

"Sure why not..." Tseng says shrugging, completely forgetting about anything concerning Zack, Lego buildings and Reno kicking things (unless it was Hojo).

The morning after a very purple Hojo was found locked in a cage made of spoons with Dark Nation. Not a single employee could figure out why or how it happened, as the security cameras were malfunctioning that night. But Sephiroth was unusually happy all that week and Reno was smirking more than he normally did.

Nobody really cared either. Hojo had deserved worse for scarring Reno's face.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing. Only 12 more drabbles until the end.

BloodyChaos: "That one... was somewhat hard to write."

Zach: "Hmmm..."

BloodyChaos: "But... It was fun. I'll let you decide what they did to him. If you liked it kindly leave a comment."


	39. Fish

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: I've always wanted to swim in an aquarium and chase the fish. I'm odd like that though. Double update!!

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Reno Rufus and a fish from **anakimoto**

Of all the things Rufus expected to see when he walks into his office, Reno inside his aquarium was not one of them. He blinks; trying to make sure he's seeing things correctly and a second glance informs him that, yes the red head was indeed swimming with his fish.

"Do I even want to know?" He asks aloud, eyeing the pink Underwater materia in Reno's bangle, which proved that this was no unplanned dive. Reno, whom hasn't noticed Rufus's arrival yet, continues to chase the small fish.

The blonde finds himself wondering how in the hell Reno had got in there in the first place. Then he decides he doesn't want to know. Reno, while more intelligent than some, was so mindnumbingly random that it gave him a headache.

He settles for tapping on the glass and snickering at the look on Reno's face. At least he would have something to show off when the clients came in today, he was probably the second person in the building to have a man in a fishtank in his office. The first being Hojo of course.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "I just had a sudden vision of Reno, swimming in a fishtank."

Zach: "It was quite disturbing."

BloodyChaos: "I found it so amusing that I had to write it. So if you liked it, please leave a comment."


	40. Eclipse's pants

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses. And Eclipse belongs to himself and the other Eclipse mentioned is from Demon Diary.

A/N: This is for my good friend Eclipse who has been reading my writing almost since the very beginning. Much love to him for being such a loyal reader and a good friend... This is basically just a cameo chapter and draws on a lot of my older writings.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: A pair of Eclipse's pants, Reno, Rude from **Fayted Eclipse**

"Hey Rude aren't these Eclipse's pants?" Reno asks, pulling a pair of pants off of one of the chairs in the breakroom and inspecting it. Rude blinks.

"Which Eclipse?" Rude asks, he knew at least two. Reno scratches his head, thinking and snaps his fingers.

"The scary one. You know with the long black hair who's always following that blonde idiot of a demon lord around like a maid." Reno says, holding the pants carefully between his thumb and his forefinger. Rude shakes his head.

"He doesn't wear pants." Rude points out. Reno blinks. That was true, he had never seen that Eclipse ever wear pants. It was always some weird thing that looked like a dress.

"Then these must belong to the cool Eclipse." Reno shouts, he liked that Eclipse. In some ways he was almost as random and destructive as he was. Reno glances around for a moment. "But if his pants are here where is Eclipse? And what is he doing without pants on?"

Rude raises an eyebrow and shrugs, pointing to the wall where something has been scribbled on the wall in some red substance.

_The Bloody Serpents own your worthless lives Love Rhiana, Juno and Eclipse._

"Uh heh-heh. Let's run off and pretend we know nothing about this ok." Reno says nervously, glancing around as though afraid someone might see. Rude's other eyebrow raises, Reno was hiding something.

"Do you know these people? Besides Eclipse obviously." Rude asks, the two names mentioned before weren't familiar. Though The Bloody Serpents was the name of a cult trying to take over the world, but everyone knew they were made up mostly of psychopaths, oddly competent psychopaths but psychopaths none the less.

"Ummm can we just pretend this never happened?" Reno asks, tossing the pants back on the couch and backing out of the room. Rude watches him, confused.

"Only if you tell me what's going on." Rude states, crossing his arms threateningly. Reno pales, looking for an out.

"I know nothing about a secret cult of psychopaths trying to take over the world." Reno screeches and dashes out of the room leaving Rude to wonder what in the hell is going on.

Luckily enough for Reno and the Bloody Serpents there was an incident involving the stick of randomness, a snake and certain psychopaths which ending up giving Rude amnesia.

Though it may not have been entirely accidental.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "Many of you may not get this, but nearly everything in this drabble relates back to Caffeine Induced Insanity which is an epic humor fic written by yours truly."

Zach: "It's been up for two years and she's still revising it."

BloodyChaos: "But because of this chapter I've decided to go back and finish with revisions, anyways this is part of a double update so enjoy. If you liked it kindly review."


	41. impersonation, interruption, exit

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name, Zack's full name and my muses.

A/N: Well since I wrote Eclipse's I had to write up MakoAnima's, I've known her for just as long... Much love to her as well for being such a devoted reader.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter. Crossdressing.

Challenge: James bond impression, interruption of superior's work and a swift exit from **MakoAnima, **Zack, Cloud and Sephiroth

It started out as an ordinary day as they so often do... Sephiroth went to work, set fire to that damn moogle receptionist and actually started on his paperwork. He really should've known better than to because five seconds later a car came crashing the wall of his office and stopped an inch from his desk, proving for once and for all that whatever higher power existed hated paperwork and would do anything too prevent it's completion.

He stares at it for a second, a lot less surprised by this turn of events than you would think. In fact the only thoughts that ran through his head were; _How in the hell did they get that up all those steps? _And _Why in the name of Bahamut is it in my office?_

"Zack..." Sephiroth says coolly, rummaging through a drawer clearly marked 'in case of random stupidity' for the button he used to inform the random employees to repair his office along with whatever (and whoever) Zack ran over getting there. "Get out of the car before I revoke your breathing privileges again." He finds Vincent's gun instead and shrugs, wondering how it got there.

The car door opens slowly and Zack, dressed in a sharp looking tuxedo, practically oozes out of it. Sephiroth raises an eyebrow, staring at him calmly. In the far corners of his mind he wondered who Zack had stolen the Tuxedo from and prayed he wasn't going have to explain to some non-shinra employee that Zack was an idiot. A highly destructive idiot with friends in high places, but an idiot none the less. He was harmless... as long as you could kick his ass.

"It's Wyldfaer, Zakaeri Wyldfaer." Zack states dramatically, flipping his hair back from his face. Sephiroth's eye twitches, wondering if anyone would notice if he discreetly stabbed his second in command seven times and left him in the middle of the hallway.

"Well then Zakaeri Wyldfaer I believe I will authorize Vincent's request to use you as target practice." Sephiroth says, pulling a handgun, specifically Vincent's handgun, out of his pocket. He had confiscated earlier when said request was pinned to his door with a knife (Reno had delivered it and was feeling especially lazy). Zack opens his mouth to retort but before he can even speak a word the passenger door swooshes open and someone clamors out, bloodlust in his eyes.

Had Sephiroth been a lesser man, his mouth would've fallen open as it was he settled for his eyes widening slightly. Of all the things he had expected when that car came crashing through his wall this was the last thing he would've expected (though he would later find out that Tseng, Rufus and Reno had a betting pool on when it would happen and why, Reno won).

An extremely enraged Cloud stood before them, dressed up in one of Scarlet's exceptionally slutty sparkling dresses complete with makeup, high-heels and quite possibly (knowing Zack) underwear (though where he got it remains a mystery, because it certainly wasn't Scarlet's).

"Zaaaacccckkkkk..." Cloud hisses in that low tone that indicates that someone is going to die in the most painful way possible. Zack pales slightly and Sephiroth discreetly pulls out a camera. "I am going to ram these high-heels up your ass and then I am going to strangle you with this bra." Cloud says almost gleefully, advancing slowly on the man.

Zack lets out a squeal equivalent to that of a girl's and runs out of that room as fast as humanly possible, Cloud following with an incredibly psychopathic look on his face. Sephiroth was now left alone in his office, a decidedly evil smile on his face and a camera in his hand.

There was a lesson to be learned from this: never imitate people you see in movies, it always ends with blackmail.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing, you are much appreciated.

BloodyChaos: "I finally got Cloud in a dress."

Zack: "You have disturbed me greatly."

BloodyChaos: "Anyways if you liked it please review."


	42. Bubblegum Peanut butter

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Tis a somewhat happy day, I am not tempted to cause harm to others... yet.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Reno, Vincent, Peanutbutter, Bubblegum From **Ravyn**

"OH F-!" Reno screeches loudly, his voice echoing through the entirety of the Shinra building. Vincent looks up from his desk and glares at the ceiling. There were times when he was convinced that Reno could quite possibly be one of the voices in his head.

"RENO!! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!!" Tseng's voice is heard five second later as the redhead slams Vincent's door open and dives behind the man's desk. The Vampyre-Turk stares at him, blood red eyes emotionless.

He was almost amused by this turn of events; it seems that Reno had had an unfortunate run-in with Zack and his jar of Peanut butter. The poor redhead had it smeared all over his face and there was even some in his hair. Vincent smirks, no wonder he was cowering behind the desk.

"At least it wasn't bubblegum." Vincent remarks, innocently moving his paperwork closer to the edge of his desk and therefore closer to Reno's head. If it just happened to fall off and get peanut butter and Reno hair all over it then it wasn't his fault. Reno glares at him.

"You won't be saying that when he comes in here and smears it all over your head." Reno says, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. Vincent raises an eyebrow at him.

"Why would he come in here?" He asks, remembering all the times Zack had run from him screaming. In fact Zack was the only one he's actually shot, though he did shoot him in the butt. Reno contemplates this for a second, green eyes glinting almost evilly.

He runs a finger through the substance on his head, reaches up and smears it over the bridge Vincent's nose before running out, laughing maniacally the whole time.

Vincent blinks, staring in shock at the redhead's retreating back and bemoans the fact that he'd have to get up to get his gun.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

BloodyChaos: "Now who honestly saw that Vincent finally got to shoot someone? Even if it was Zack and if it was in the butt."  
Zach: "...I refuse to comment on this."   
BloodyChaos: "Hush or I'll get the other muses to throw you out the window again. Anyways if you liked it kindly review."


	43. More TsengReno

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: This is the final part of a four part update, now there's only seven left...and only four more request spaces left

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: More TsengxReno from **Beatrisu**

"Working late?" Tseng asks, peeking his head into Reno's office. It was sometime after midnight and he had been debating for a while whether to check on the redhead or not. The last time the redhead had stayed late there had been a flood on the seventh floor and the only clue to the cause was a surfboard.

Reno groans, lifting his head from his desk wearily. He blinks sleepily at the intruder, his green eyes glazed over slightly and little rivulet of drool running down his chin. Tseng suppresses the urge to squeal like a fangirl at the sight.

"Who'zat?" Reno slurs, head swaying slightly from side to side. Tseng chuckles, shaking his head as he notices the post-it note stuck in Reno's hair. "Zat you Tseng? Why'r you an'da eveel lawn gnomes in mah office?"

"Well I can't speak for the evil lawn gnomes but I'm here to make sure you aren't plotting the destruction of the world in here." Tseng says, greatly amused by this. A half-asleep Reno was almost as amusing as a drunken one. Reno blinks, his eyes going cross-eyed.

"No'da world Tsengy, the lawn gnomes." Reno states, attempting to stand up and falling out of his chair. Tseng sighs, staring at the crumpled form of the mischievous Turk.

"You certainly aren't in a state to be driving." Tseng says, shaking his head as the redhead accuses the ground of hitting him. The Wutaiian kneels, draping Reno's arm over his shoulder and lifting him. "Looks like you're coming home with me tonight."

"I come home wit'you?" Reno repeats, yawning. He looks at Tseng, green eyes blinking. "Do I gets to sleep wit' you?" He asks, slumping against the other male as he leads him out the door. Tseng smiles, gold eyes glittering in the darkness.

"Only if you want to." He whispers, adjusting his hold on the redhead so he doesn't fall over. He misses the evil glint in Reno's suddenly clear eyes as they head towards his home.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing...

BloodyChaos: "I'll leave you to guess what happens next, cause I'm not posting something like that where there are little children about... plus this is only rated 'T'."

Zach: "I'm scarred enough already."

BloodyChaos: "Anyways if you liked it please review."


	44. silly putty, hairbrush

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Requests are now closed. Thanks to all.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Rufus, Sephiroth, sillyputty, hairbrush, and the movie "Titanic" from **Corn Cob**

"Come on, let me brush your hair." Rufus whines, his lip sticking out in a pout. Sephiroth's eye twitches as he calmly ignores the vice president, choosing instead to glare at the monstrosity that was now his desk thanks to the ever-stupid antics of his second-in-command.

His desk was now a greatly scaled down version of the Titanic made nearly completely out of silly putty and paperwork. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for Zack's movie-imitation spree or not because he now had a legitimate excuse not to do it. Though feeding it to Zack worked as well, he would eat just about anything and saying 'my Zack ate it' was highly amusing.

"Are you even paying attention to me?" Rufus asks, stomping like a three-year old. Sephiroth shrugs, an evil smirk appearing on his face as he watches the blonde proceed to pitch a hissy fit worse than Cloud's after he awoke and found he was a dress yet again.

Sometimes Rufus was such a girl.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing, I may not be accepting requests for this fic, but I have started another fic called **A Day in the Life of Hojo** which consists of the amusing hells Hojo goes through just by living. I am accepting requests for it if you're interested.

BloodyChaos: "I love Zack. I think I'll try that excuse next time my homework goes missing."

Zach: "You do that."

BloodyChaos: "I will. Anyways if you liked it kindly review."


	45. prom dress tape gun

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: bit odd today don't cha think? Happy Holidays...

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Rufus, Vincent, prom dress, and tape gun from **Child of a Pineapple**

It was quiet, Vincent thinks to himself as he walks down the hallway. His eyes dart from door to door, expecting Reno...or Zack to jump out with something stupid or in the process of being chased. It was never this quiet without something lying in wait, usually Reno would be screeching about something or Zack would be arguing with a potted plant...

Or Rufus lying in the middle of the floor in a prom dress. Vincent feels so relieved at the sight of something somewhat normal he doesn't even stop to consider the fact that Rufus crossdressing is not a normal thing, even in this part of the building. It's only when he takes a few steps past the unconscious man that he even begins to think that it just might possibly, no matter how unusual it might seem especially since he was in front of Reno's office, be odd.

But then he spots Reeve's favorite tape-gun in Rufus's lax hand and realizes that it wasn't as odd or as unusual as some people might think. Knowing Reeve as well as he did Rufus was lucky he was only drugged, dressed in a prom dress and laid out in front of Reno's office and not missing some vital limb.

Reeve, despite being the sanest man in employment (the company psychiatrist declared this before jumping from the sixtieth floor), was a vindictive little bitch.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing, I very much appreciate it.

BloodyChaos: "I had so much fun writing that."

Zach: "I'm not even going to comment because you're not going to listen anyways."

BloodyChaos: "If you enjoyed it please let me know in a review."


	46. Reno's scars

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Shamelessly promoting my newest fic, go read it if you have the time.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Backstory for Reno's Scars from **Sabith**

_One year ago_

It was one of those days, Hojo had kidnapped Zack for experimentation and Reno, being the only one not tied up with some random project that required his attention, was elected to save him. Well Cait Sith was going along as well, but he wasn't much help considering that Reno had 'accidentally' slipped a tranquilizer into Reeve's coffee this morning and then scribbled on his face.

"I wonder if Hojo would agree to a trade." Cait Sith remarks aloud as the pair sneaks into the lab. Reeve was obviously mad about the tainting of his coffee, normally the redhead would be lying low in Sephiroth's office, but Zack had stupidly got himself kidnapped so he was in trouble.

" I've heard he's always wanted to dissect a robot." Reno says as they near the holding area. There was no way in hell he was allowing Hojo to touch him, he had seen the effects it had on Sephiroth and Zack and did not want that for himself.

Cait Sith huffs and together they step up to where Zack is floating in a glass aquarium with Hojo's beloved pet squid, Mr. Sparkles. Reno glances around, looking for the lab assistants and Hojo.

"Where in the hell are those freaks?" Reno mutters, scanning the room nervously as he hits the button to let the other man out. Zack collapses on the floor with a squelch, Reno shakes his head, kneels beside him and tosses the soldier's arm over his shoulder.

A whirring sound comes from behind them and a machine wielding a red knife approaches. Reno stares at it as it wheels around him and comes to a stop directly in front of him and Zack. He stares at it as it starts making odd noises and suddenly there is a blur and a pain in his right cheek. He blinks again and there is a pain in his left cheek. Then the machine blows up, leaving him bleeding and slightly charred.

He drags Zack back to his potted plant filled office, leaving Cait Sith laughing hysterically in Hojo's lab. Then he goes back and sets fire to Mr. Sparkles, starting 'The Great Lab Fire' and destroying Cait Sith.

To this day Reno has had an irrational hatred of Hojo for kidnapping Zack and making that machine...

He also was responsible for "The Second Great Lab Fire', 'The Burning of the Squid' and several hundred assassination attempts. Reeve however was responsible for the firing of his favorite lab assistants because Reno told him Hojo was the one to destroy Cait Sith.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

BloodyChaos: "Ok peoples I only have four left to write, but if you really want to request something I have a new fic somewhat related to this one called **A day in the life of Hojo**, it consists of torturing the hell out of Hojo, tis not quite as good as this one but please check it out. I am accepting requests for it if you are interested."


	47. Fear Factor

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: My computer crashed and I lost nearly all of my smut and fanfiction I had saved to my hard drive... and some of my favorite MP3s... thank the gods I didn't lose this.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Tseng and Reno on Fear Factor from **Tolkienologist**

"I'm not eating that. You eat it." Tseng hisses, glaring indignantly at the redhead beside him. Reno's nose wrinkles up as he stares at the wriggling mass of bugs on the plate.

"I absolutely refuse to eat anything that even remotely resembles a bug." Reno announces, his hands rummaging in his pocket for something. Tseng snorts.

"Can we make someone else eat it?" Tseng asks, turning to face the camera. "I'm quite sure Zack would be happy to eat it, he'll eat just about anything." There is a click and a whooshing sound from behind him and for a moment he's almost scared to look.

"Whoo!! Look at them burn!!" Reno whoops happily, throwing his hands up in the air and dancing around the flames like a maniac. A spell of silence falls over the set, nearly ever eye in the vicinity watching the pyromaniacal redhead.

"Well there goes our chance of winning a hundred million gil." Tseng sighs, shaking his head. He didn't need the money anyway, but it would've been nice to be able to pay Reno (or Zack or Sephiroth) to go away when they were annoying (or distracting or threatening) him.

Rufus did it, why couldn't he?

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review. You are very much appreciated.

BloodyChaos: "If you liked please review."


	48. Ammo, Moron hunting, camera

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: working hard and hardly working... tis fun.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter. Except for some Mpreg (not really, it's just Zack being stupid), Zack/Vincent (also Zack being stupid)

Challenge: Vincent, Ammo Restrictions, Moron Hunting, Zack, Cloud, and Reno. Sephiroth, video camera. from **Koom**

Cloud holds the camera up to his eye and points it at Reno who grins wildly and flashes a thumbs up, he then points it at Sephiroth who looks bored. He looks at the camera and shrugs once, redirecting his gaze towards where Zack is annoying Vincent and Vincent is polishing his gun with an almost happy look on his face.

"Is it on?" Cloud asks, taking it away from his eyes and peering anxiously at the camera. Reno bounces over to him and points at the flickering light.

"I think so. If not then why is this light flashing?" Reno says, poking the camera, which is still recording Sephiroth looking bored, only now, it's focused on a much lower area.

"It could be about to self-destruct." Sephiroth adds his two–gil in, still bored and now glaring at the sky for some odd reason. Reno and Cloud blink and look at each other then shrug.

"OK Seph. Go." Cloud says, putting the camera back up to his eye. Sephiroth shrugs once and perks up, a psychotic smile on his face now that he gets to do what he came here for.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen who are probably us at a later time, so there are no ladies. Elena and Scarlet don't count because one's a witch and the other's a bitch. Anyways this is the first and hopefully last taped recording of Moron-Hunting with Vincent Valentine." Sephiroth points over to where Vincent and Zack are standing, Cloud makes the camera follow his finger. "Today's Question is: Can Vincent Shoot Zack before he runs out of bullets? I think so." Sephiroth grins.

"GO FOR IT VINCENT!!" Reno shouts, cupping his hands over his mouth. Vincent stops polishing Death Penalty, looks at the camera with an almost psychotic grin and shoots Zack in the groin.

"OH MY HOLY GODS OF POPTARTS!!! YOU IMPAINATED ME!!!"

Zack goes down; wailing like a five-year old that's just fell off the swing-set. Sephiroth looks at him and shakes his head.

"Impainated isn't a word, Zack. I think the word you're looking for is impregnated." Sephiroth says with a wicked grin on his face. Reno and Cloud burst out laughing, Cloud dropping the camera in the process. Vincent shrugs and walks off, whistling happily.

Tseng didn't ask when Zack, bleeding profusely from the groin, was wheeled into the infirmary screaming that Vincent had impregnated him. He heard it from Reno later and then saw the tape, which covered it up until the point Cloud dropped the camera. He found out it was better not knowing sometimes...

Zack was the first pregnant male gunshot recipient in the history of Shinra. And considering the stupidity of some of the other employees that was an accomplishment.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing, we have 400+ reviews .

BloodyChaos: "Review if you liked pretty please."


	49. Drunk Reno

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Someone I know once sat under my teacher's desk for around a half-hour. She didn't noticed until she kicked him. It was amusing... This was the same guy who once climbed behind the TV to hide from one of the computer teachers... and got stuck.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Drunk Reno in Sephiroth's office by **Lemon Wine**

"The lawn gnomes are attacking!!" Reno shrieks, running into Sephiroth's office and diving under the desk. Sephiroth's eyebrow twitches as his leg space is greatly diminished by a shaking redhead.

"Reno." He says in a calm voice that did not betray his annoyance in any way shape or form. Reno's head appears in the space between the desk and his lap, his hands resting on Sephiroth's knees. Sephiroth's eyebrow twitches again.

"Just what are you doing under my desk?" He asks once the twitching and the homicidal rage have abated somewhat. Reno blinks, a goofy grin appearing on his face. Sephiroth notes that his face is unusually flushed and his eyes are glazed over. He frowns. "It's not Sunday so why in the hell are you drunk?"

"Because the evil lawn gnomes are taking over the seventh floor." Reno announces, hiding back under the desk. Sephiroth's eye twitches again.

"We're on the fiftieth floor." Sephiroth grounds out as his leg is shoved roughly. "And I'd really like to know who got you drunk so I can pay Vincent to shoot them in the head. Stop pushing before I kick you."

"The lawn gnomes are after Zack's brain." The space under his desk says, Sephiroth attempts to glare through his desk.

"Since when does Zack have a brain." He grounds out as his paperwork starts burning from the weight of his glare. Reno hiccups.

"Since he got me drunk." The chair screeches loudly as Sephiroth stands up and walks purposely towards the door. Reno climbs out from under the desk, staring at Sephiroth as he resists the urge to hold onto the floor. "Where are you going?"

"Is it raining?" Sephiroth asks, his hand hovering over the doorknob. Reno looks out the window, blinking blearily.

"Yes." He says, slowly turning back to face Sephiroth, which was really hard because the floor was spinning so fast.

"Then I'm going to kill Zack." Sephiroth opens the door and leaves, Masamune magically appearing in one hand.

Reno blinks, his drunken brain slowly trying to connect the facts that one, Sephiroth was going to kill Zack, two, it was raining... Five, Zack didn't have a brain for those evil lawn gnomes to steal and thirty-seventy-eight Sephiroth had once said he was saving killing Zack for a rainy day.

Reno nods once, pleased with himself, though it had took a while and looks up. "Oohh Ceiling fan." There is a loud thump as Reno falls over, still staring at the ceiling fan. The floor needed to be held down drastically, and Reno was only too willing to be a floor-weight.

The moral: Zack doesn't have a brain so therefore Zack doesn't know the days of the week. Do not get drunk with Zack.

TBC

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing, I adore you all.

BloodyChaos: "That's a wise philosophy... Not that I get drunk..."


	50. Fangirlshadow

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the toothbrush, Reno's last name and my muses.

A/N: Final Chapter... This is the longest and most popular thing I ever wrote... scary that it started out with me being bored in the middle of class.

Warnings: same as first and second chapter.

Challenge: Hairbrush, Sephiroth screaming and running away. Fangirl (Shadow) from **Fayted Eclipse**.

"What in the hell is that?" Sephiroth asks, pointing to the hairbrush lying in the middle of his desk. Reno, who's lounging on the couch nearby because he's hiding from Elena, raises an eyebrow.

"I believe it's a hairbrush." Reno says, sauntering over to look at it. Sephiroth glares at him.

"I know it's a hairbrush, but where did it come from?" He demands, poking it with his pen. Reno shrugs.

"I don't know do I look like a hairbrush?" Reno asks, Sephiroth looks at him. "Don't answer that." He growls as a very strange noise comes from the corner of the room. They both turn slowly to find a dark haired girl hiding in the corner, watching them like a hawk. The two exchange looks, blink and then look back at the girl as if to confirm she's really there.

"SURRENDER YOUR PANTS!!" She suddenly shouts out, pointing at Sephiroth. There is a pause as they stare incredulously at her. They blink.

"FANGIRL!!!" Reno screams, pointing back at her. "RUN FOR YOUR PANTS!!! AND BOXERS!! AND HAIR!!" With that they run for the one place no fangirl will go, Palmer's office.

TBC

Thanks to all who read and review, I appreciate ever single one of you.

BloodyChaos: "Tis the end. Sadly."


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